Trump Can’t Find Rubio, Pirro Tackles Meteorite Corruption & Melania Gets a Sequel | Jessica Tarlov

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Desi Lydic (0:51)

You're listening to Comedy Central.

From the most trusted journalists at Comedy Central, it's America's only source for news. This is The Daily Show with your host, Desi Lydic.

Desi Lydic (1:38)

But first, let's catch up with the greatest administration ever in another edition of The Worst Wing.

SPEAKER_6 (1:51)

What a bunch of losers.

Desi Lydic (1:55)

This week, it's the United Nations General Assembly. It's like a global high school reunion where everyone catches up and finds out which country is gay now.

It's also a big week for America's top diplomat, Secretary of State Marco Rubio. It's his job to represent American power. When Marco Rubio is in the room, people take notice.

Desi Lydic (2:18)

I want to thank Secretary of State Marco Rubio.

Desi Lydic (2:20)

Where's Marco? Marco.

You know, people think Trump's brain is broken, but you forget, his eyes are also dumb. But obviously, once Trump recognized Marco Rubio, he wasn't going to forget him a second time.

SPEAKER_6 (2:38)

You know, Marco's parents were born in Cuba.

SPEAKER_8 (2:40)

It's like a great story.

SPEAKER_6 (2:42)

He wants to figure it all out, Marco. He wants to figure out what's exactly that.

Desi Lydic (2:48)

Again? I'm starting to think this is less about Trump's brain and more about Marco's personality. If Trump can't recognize you after he just recognized you, maybe you're just too bland. I mean, have you ever thought about getting a monocle, or bangs, or maybe a face tattoo that says, I'm Marco Rubio, Mr. President?

But let's move on to Jeanine Pirro, Trump's top US attorney and woman who will have another martini, thank you. The president counts on her to lock up America's greatest enemies like James Comey or Barack Obama or Canada. Well, big news, she just got her hands on America's most wanted.

Jeanine Pirro (3:32)

You have right in front of you the largest known Martian meteor, or now, meteorite in the world.

Desi Lydic (3:42)

Okay, did it like commit tax fraud or something? Isn't this a job for Space Force? Why do you have it?

Jeanine Pirro (3:50)

We have seized it as part of the work that we do in the United States Attorney's Office. What's the next step we did, Rick? We investigated. Good answer.

Desi Lydic (4:00)

Yeah, good answer, Rick.

SPEAKER_11 (4:02)

Also, who the f*** is Rick?

Desi Lydic (4:05)

And why is he standing in the corner? Seriously, what exactly are you investigating?

Jeanine Pirro (4:11)

We investigated, find out this thing's been going back and forth. Maybe it hit the Sahara Desert. Maybe it's from Niger. Maybe it's from Morocco. Somebody bought it in Italy. A lot of people have had their hands on it or more than your hands.

Desi Lydic (4:29)

More than? Did somebody f**k that meteorite? I mean, I cannot think of one weirdo freak who would be into f**king a Mars rock. Okay.

I cannot think of two weirdo freaks who would be into f**king a Mars rock. Jeanine, I'm so confused. What are you doing with that Martian meteor?

Jeanine Pirro (4:53)

The truth is that we don't know who owns it.

So, we own it now. We have seized it. When did we seize it? Do you know?

SPEAKER_8 (5:00)

July 16, 2026

Desi Lydic (5:03)

Who the f**k is that guy? Did you clone Rick?

Just tell us what's with this rock.

Jeanine Pirro (5:11)

The thing came from Mars. Everybody says they own it. Customs has no record of it ever coming into the United States. So, guess what? The United States government owns it now. So, eat that, all you guys who tried to do a corrupt deal. And sell this largest known meteorite in history.

Desi Lydic (5:30)

Yes.

SPEAKER_7 (5:31)

Thank you, Jeanine Pirro.