This Week's News | Josh on Kash Patel's Bestiality Stance & Kosta on Another Oil Strait Closure

SPEAKER_1 (0:00)

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SPEAKER_2 (1:05)

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SPEAKER_3 (1:36)

You're listening to Comedy Central.

Josh Johnson (1:44)

Let's start with Congress, the only branch of government that ages in dog years. For a while now, there's been growing concern about how old some members are, but it really peaked this summer when Senator Mitch McConnell got sick and disappeared with no explanation. The rumors spun out control from him secretly being dead to people saying the photo that was posted of him in the hospital was photoshopped. It looked fine to me.

He looks great. But yesterday was Congress' first day back in session, so it was time for McConnell to show up, lock in and show everyone he's feeling A-OK. Let's go.

SPEAKER_5 (2:35)

Senator McConnell, how are you feeling, Senator McConnell?

SPEAKER_6 (2:40)

How are you going to vote today, sir?

SPEAKER_7 (2:49)

How are you feeling, Mitch? You feeling all right, Mitch?

SPEAKER_5 (2:52)

I'm good.

Josh Johnson (2:55)

Uh-oh, okay. I see that he's giving a thumbs up, but that's not the thumbs up of a man who's doing well. That is the thumbs up of a football player on a stretcher that you're never going to see again. His thumb is saying, I'm good, but his face is saying, beep, beep, beep.

But maybe Mitch was just overwhelmed by the media circus outside his door. I'm sure after he gave the thumbs up and got in his car, he seemed totally normal.

Wait, did he get stuck in thumbs up? Quick, tell the Senate to vote on universal health care right now. He's stuck like that. He has to vote yes. Republicans are going to have to flip him upside down to get a no vote. I'm sorry, but everything here screams puppet. Like, there's just a guy on the floor of the SUV with a fishing line, like, quick, y'all, I can't open his mouth and move his thumb at the same time. But let's move on to something that can pass for a living human.

SPEAKER_9 (4:11)

AI.

Josh Johnson (4:12)

Over the last few years, we've heard about all the terrible things AI is going to do. Use all of our water, take all of our jobs, mess with our ability to think, or even worse, mess with our ability to think.

Which is all bad, but at least it's not going to kill everyone.

SPEAKER_10 (4:29)

Jacob Cox, a researcher at leading AI firm Anthropic, says he resigned, posting, the people building AI earnestly believe that it could kill us all by the end of the decade.

Josh Johnson (4:41)

End of the decade? It's fall 2026 That's just three pumpkin spice seasons away.

But you know what, maybe that's just a disgruntled employee. People love to shit talk their jobs after they leave. You know, when my buddy got fired from Chick-fil-A, he told everybody they spend Sundays doing unspeakable things to the sauce. I'm sure the people who still work there don't earnestly believe AI could kill all humans.

SPEAKER_6 (5:14)

A more senior employee at Anthropic wrote this on X, Jacob is correct here. We really do earnestly believe AI could kill all humans.

Josh Johnson (5:24)

Damn it, you still work there?

How do they get these employees? Do they just ask where you see yourself in five years? And if you say, killed by my own creation, you're hired. Frankenstein ass workplace. But look, I'm not an expert. I don't know anything. The only time I use AI is when I try to Google and it makes me use AI. So why are the people who work there so convinced this is a possibility?