This Week's News | Jon Stewart on Trump's Xi Summit & Jordan Klepper on Hegseth's Anti-Weirdo Crusade

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SPEAKER_2 (1:01)

You're listening to Comedy Central.

Jon Stewart (1:08)

Last week, a young man by the name of Donald Trump picked up a young man by the name of Xi Jinping, Chinese president, at the airport for a pivotal three-day visit to Washington. And as with any monumental meeting of superpowers, with profound repercussions for global safety and stability, it began with house tour. Have you seen my pictures? Do you guys have pictures? Have you guys seen our outdoor carpet? Do you guys have outdoor carpet? Have you seen our sky? Do you have a sky? It's white. Oh, do you see that lady with the face? Yeah. Do you think she's pretty? Oh, good. Yeah, she is pretty.

By the way, what a genuine thumbs up. It's the thumbs up you give when your friends show you their kids' artwork. Oh, well, Madison made that all out of macaroni.

In fact, Trump has spent most of Xi's White House visit just pointing at shit, while Xi did his best effort to pretend to be impressed. Although I'm sure they talked about issues of national importance.

Donald Trump (2:37)

We had a great meeting and he has great interest in granite.

He likes granite. He's an expert on stone, aside from many other things, and he loves good granite.

Jon Stewart (2:57)

Does he? Does he love good granite? Is that his, I love good granite face? Because it looks like his, I'd rather be standing in front of a tank in a square face. Yeah, look it up.

Like President Trump, I'm sure you're proud of your new circular granite helicopter parking spot. But just so you know, this is Shenzhen, China. They've got a fully autonomous magnetic levitation train. Pretty sure he's not blown away by carved rock in shape of circle.

By the way, you know, China did used to work in rock about 3000 years ago. So again, I'm pretty sure Xi Jinping is not like, this used to be grass and now it's rock.

We have so much to learn from your people. But listen, I'm sure he wants to be a good host. As long as Trump understands the seriousness of the competition between our two nations and is diligent in not undermining America's national security. I mean, national security is the whole reason we're paying $600 million for this f***ing ballroom, right? So you'll keep that behind the curtain, yeah?

Donald Trump (4:34)

As a special treat in honor of President Xi and Madame Peng, I'd like to invite everyone in the room to visit through that beautiful curtain in the back, the new ballroom that you've heard about. You'll be the first people to step foot on that.

Jon Stewart (4:51)

Maybe Trump's just trying to sell Xi Jinping on the ballroom out for his next big function.

SPEAKER_6 (4:55)

I don't know. Yeah.

Jon Stewart (5:00)

Jewish. Surprising.

Xi Jinping. Yeah. Who'd have thought? Probably changed his name. Anyway, surprising how light-hearted their interactions seem to be given recent developments.

SPEAKER_13 (5:13)

China sent 1,300 shipments of drone and missile parts to Iran from the start of the year through the end of June.

Jon Stewart (5:20)

What? China has been sending weapons to Iran? Did China supplying Iran with weapons come up at all?

SPEAKER_7 (5:30)

The US ambassador to China claims President Trump offered to sell American weapons to China.

Jon Stewart (5:40)

It only came up as an opportunity?

I got to say, that sounds like bullshit. Unless I hear this from the actual mouth of the US ambassador to China, I do not believe it.