This Week's News | Jon on America's Gerontocracy Crisis & Kosta on Explosive Diarrhea Sweeping U.S.

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**SPEAKER_1** (0:46)
You're listening to Comedy Central.

**Jon Stewart** (0:53)
But first, obviously, big news from the weekend, the sudden passing of Senator Lindsey Graham of South Carolina. Obviously, I knew him a bit from lobbying down at Capitol Hill, but I didn't know him particularly well. So I'll let Lindsey Graham's best friend memorialize the late senator.

**Michael Kosta** (1:11)
Joining us now by phone is one of his best friends, President Donald Trump. I know you lost one of your closest friends and an ally in the Senate. How are you feeling?

**Donald Trump** (1:23)
Well, I don't feel great. He was a great guy. He was a friend. He would call me all the time. He would just, I'd say, stop calling me, Lindsey.

**Jon Stewart** (1:43)
I'll never forget the way that I always let him go to voicemail. It was our... It was our thing.
Obviously, he's just opening the eulogy on a light-hearted note. Show the poignancy follows.

**Donald Trump** (2:08)
Loved playing golf, loved being outside. It wasn't that he was a great striker of the ball. It wasn't exactly a perfect. He wasn't Jack Nicholson. He was not Tiger. He was totally against me. He said, I'll get you in South Carolina. I'm gonna get you in South Carolina. That didn't work out too well. It was a nasty campaign. He was tough and nasty. I wanted to see the war with Ukraine end very quickly. I think he was more into, you know, keeping it going, frankly. He was a total workaholic politician. Now, some people don't call that work. Some people call that a lot of talking.

**Jon Stewart** (2:54)
I think the president has zoomed through the first five stages of grief and gone straight to number six. F**k that guy.
By the way, it takes a lot of balls for Donald Trump to gently roast someone for yapping too much. He's the one who toasted his friend on Meet the Press, CNN's State of the Union, Fox and Friends. Trump was everywhere remembering Lindsey Graham, even when the host of the show appeared to not want him to.

**Donald Trump** (3:28)
These people suffer from a very fine disease known as Trump Derangement Syndrome. We were seeing that.

**SPEAKER_4** (3:35)
Mr. President, did you notice?

**Donald Trump** (3:37)
He would really come a long way on terminating the filibuster.

**SPEAKER_4** (3:40)
But Mr. President, did you notice anything different?

**Donald Trump** (3:44)
Millions and millions of ballots is impossible. And they didn't know in two weeks. They let it be known an hour later.

**SPEAKER_4** (3:51)
So, Mr. President, real quickly, did you notice anything different from Lindsey on the phone?

**Donald Trump** (3:57)
These elections are very dishonest and you can't...

**Jon Stewart** (4:06)
Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. President, the TV station's going through a tunnel.

**Donald Trump** (4:09)
Boop.

**Jon Stewart** (4:14)
But of course, even his best friend Donald Trump had to concede that Senator Graham's career did have a bad moment.

**Donald Trump** (4:19)
Now, he had one bad moment, and that was, you know, in the January 6th and when he stood up, all right, now I've had it, that's it, I can't do it anymore. So I give him a 99 instead of a 100 Most people, a lot of people were at 100, but he did have that one little moment.

**Jon Stewart** (4:35)
You know, my favorite part of any eulogy is when they announce the person's life score.
He's doing a eulogy like it's Portnoy doing a pizza review.
Yeah, Graham had a good undercarriage, good mouth feel, yeah, yeah. I'm doing a score, a life score, I'm doing a life score over here. Anyway, 8-2, I'm gonna give him an 8-2, solid score. If he had let the people kill him on January 6th, 9-2, monster score. I'd give him a monster score. Now, before Graham passed, he was not feeling well. He was kind of joking about how he didn't have time to die.