TDS Time Machine | The Supreme Court

**SPEAKER_1** (0:01)
You're listening to Comedy Central.

**Jon Stewart** (0:08)
Tonight, we saw both candidates speak in reaction to last night's Supreme Court ruling. The ruling was a spectacular thing to behold, actually. The decision was handing down, in a matter befitting the stature and reverence that this nation holds for our Supreme Court.

**SPEAKER_4** (0:22)
The US.

**SPEAKER_5** (0:23)
Supreme Court has reversed the decision of the Florida Supreme Court. Show me where to go.

**Jon Stewart** (0:29)
By the way, I'm going to guess that guy is an intern. Reporters from all the networks struggled to interpret the minutia.

**SPEAKER_5** (0:38)
He says there is no justification for denying the state the opportunity to count all the disputed ballots now, and that's why I dissent.

**Jon Stewart** (0:46)
Not everybody was able to keep up.

**SPEAKER_5** (0:49)
They don't come right out and say anywhere, but listen to Justice Souter.

**SPEAKER_1** (0:52)
Come on, Dan, pull it together.

**SPEAKER_8** (0:55)
What are you with?

**SPEAKER_1** (0:56)
Pursuant to? I don't get any of this.

**Vance DeGeneres** (0:58)
My old Pete keeps talking.

**SPEAKER_8** (1:00)
I'll just furrow my brow.

**SPEAKER_9** (1:03)
Come on, brow.

**Jon Stewart** (1:07)
Now, our correspondents, oh, that's awfully kind of you. Our correspondents were among the media throwing down in Washington. We're going to go to the Supreme Court and Steve Carell. Steve?

**Steve Carell** (1:18)
Yeah, okay.

**Jon Stewart** (1:19)
Steve Carell.

**Steve Carell** (1:20)
Okay, that's interesting. That's good.

**Jon Stewart** (1:22)
Yeah, Steve, what can you tell...

**Steve Carell** (1:23)
Okay, just a second, John.

**Jon Stewart** (1:25)
What can you tell us about...

**Steve Carell** (1:26)
Wait a sec, John. Thank you. Yeah, I'd like the General Gow's chicken. Not too spicy. Thanks. Yes, John?

**Jon Stewart** (1:38)
Steve, don't you have the brief?

**Steve Carell** (1:41)
The Supreme Court brief?

**Jon Stewart** (1:42)
Yeah.

**Steve Carell** (1:43)
No.

**Jon Stewart** (1:45)
Well, why don't you go inside and get a copy?

**SPEAKER_11** (1:48)
Okay.

**Jon Stewart** (1:53)
You know, the two candidates, the two candidates were said to have spent the evening pouring over the complex and detailed Supreme Court ruling. But whereas Gore was pouring over it with his eyes in mind, Bush was pouring a glass of juice over it because, quote, I don't want to finish my juice.
Now, this 5 to 4 Supreme Court decision included a very harshly worded dissent by Justice John Paul Stevens, who wrote, quote, though we may never know with complete certainty the identity of the winner of this year's presidential election, the identity of the illuser is perfectly clear. It is the nation's confidence in the judge as an impartial guardian of the rule of law. Let's go out to Vance Degeneres live at the campaign headquarters for the nation's confidence in the judge as impartial guardian of the rule of law. Vance, Judge Stevens pronounced the nation's confidence in the judge as an impartial guardian of the rule of law the loser tonight. What's the mood like down there?

**Vance DeGeneres** (2:58)
Well, John, it's pretty quiet, somber, a lot of reflection going on. The nation's confidence in the judge as an impartial guardian of the rule of law is expected to come out any minute now and make its concession speech. Now the folks here are disappointed, but say they're prepared to work with their opponents and bring the nation together behind the idea that judges are partisan pawns beholding only to their own prejudices, which by all accounts ran a great race and deserves to celebrate tonight.

**Jon Stewart** (3:31)
Thank you very much, Vance. We appreciate it. Now, as we come back, I have word. I'm sorry, I'm getting word now. I'm getting word now we can go back to Steve Carell. He's by now had a chance to digest that ruling. Steve, what can you tell us about this Supreme Court decision?

**Steve Carell** (3:45)
This is a complicated decision and it reveals a very divided court. Not only was this a five to four ruling, it was a very close five to four ruling.

**Jon Stewart** (3:57)
How so, Steve?

**Steve Carell** (3:59)
Well, my sources tell me O'Connor sided with the Conservatives fairly readily. But the other swing vote, Justice Kennedy was extremely torn. In fact, a friend of mine who clerks for Kennedy passed along this cat scan of the Justice's brain taken during deliberations. As you can see, Gore locked up the Justice's cerebellum and orbital operculum, while the lateral sulcus and cerebral peduncle were bush country. But if you look at the southeast portion right here, you can see Justice Kennedy's all-important occipital lobe was simply too close to call. Bottom line, both sides claimed victory in Justice Kennedy's occipital lobe.