TDS Time Machine | Daily Showographies Pt. 3 - Vladimir Putin, Rudy Giuliani, Pete Hegseth, and More

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You're listening to Comedy Central.

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Some kind of Superman for us.

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Can his flawless intellect and unmatched strength make him somehow more than a man? At what point does a mortal ruler become a living God?

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Will I be sitting here till I'm 100 years old?

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This is The Daily Showography of Vladimir Putin, Democracy's Super-Zar. Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin grew up with everything a Soviet child could ever want, communal housing.

Vladimir Putin (1:43)

And that's it. We lived in a small room, all three of us, in a communal apartment in Leningrad with no private facilities.

We didn't even have our own bath or shower.

SPEAKER_4 (1:55)

It was all the fun of a college dorm, but with way more drinking. From birth, greatness was in his blood. His father was a party member and his grandfather was a cook for Joseph Stalin, giving Vladimir access to all the flavors of Soviet Russia, from bland to cold to gray. It was a movie that set Putin on his life's path. The shield and the sword about a dashing Soviet spy inspired him to join the KGB. He'd be the Russian James Bond, meaning the guy trying to kill James Bond. By 1985, Putin was a lieutenant colonel in the KGB, stationed in glamorous East Germany. But in 1989, tragedy struck.

A crowd of Germans driven mad by the decadent western influences Coca-Cola and blue jeans descended upon the Berlin Wall. They smashed it to bits, and then, looking for more souvenirs they could later sell to history nerds, they gathered around Putin's station.

The Berlin Wall might have fallen, but a great man does not crumble so easily. Putin ran to the basement and set all the KGB's documents on fire. Then he went outside and told the crowd that they would be shot if they didn't leave. What an honor for those Germans to be there for the future leader's first death threat.

Through his heroic actions that day, Putin survived. But sadly, the Soviet Union did not.

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When I say that the fall of the USSR was one of the greatest catastrophes of the 20th century, I'm talking about a humanitarian catastrophe above all. After the dissolution of the USSR, 25 million Russians suddenly found themselves in a foreign country.

SPEAKER_4 (3:48)

That's right. Millions of Russians had to order whole new address labels. Was the downfall of communism really worth that?

But Russia and Putin persevered. Under the steady leadership of the incredibly competent Boris Yeltsin, Putin rose through the political ranks, eventually becoming prime minister. The Russian public wanted to know who was this young and objectively perfect man. To answer that, Putin commissioned a documentary about his life, just like Beyoncé.

And Putin's film was even cooler.

Vladimir Putin (4:26)

He commissioned this rarely seen documentary about himself, presenting Vladimir Putin, the credits read, in power. Weirdly, the soundtrack is from the Broadway show Cats.

SPEAKER_4 (4:45)

It was without question the second most disturbing movie ever to feature songs from Cats. In 1999, Boris Yeltsin abruptly resigned from the presidency to spend more time with his drinking problem. And Putin became the second-elected and first permanent president of Russia. He proved himself not just a formidable head of state, but a man of many talents. A beast master. An adventurer. A sportsman. And a born entertainer.

Vladimir Putin is truly a quadruple threat. Quintuple, if one of the threats is making actual threats. But most of all, President Putin is a protector of Russia's fragile democracy.

A role he takes so seriously that every election he does whatever is necessary to stop inferior candidates from winning. For this devotion, his citizens have rewarded him with the presidency again and again by literally unbelievable margins.

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Vladimir Putin will lead Russia for another six years. He cruised to an expected victory in yesterday's presidential election, winning nearly 77% of the vote.

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Check this, brazen ballot stuffing caught on camera.

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In these videos verified by the AP, voters seem to insert multiple ballots. One election official appears to stroll over to a box, stuff it, while no one in the room seems to mind.