Russia's Plague Scare and America's Sinkholes Ruin Kosta’s Quarantine Plans | Sebastian Stan

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From the most trusted journalists at Comedy Central, it's America's only source for news. This is The Daily Show with your host, Michael Kosta.

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Welcome to The Daily Show.

Michael Kosta (1:34)

Everything in your Instacart is trying to kill you, and Lewis Black learns the secret of eternal life, and he hates it. So let's get into it with our segment, Is This How You Do It? And we have a special guest, Michael Kosta.

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He's the man who made the show. He's the man who made the show.

Michael Kosta (1:46)

He's the man who made the show.

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In our segment, is this how we die?

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♪ -♪ -♪ I know things aren't great right now. The wars, the economy, Taylor Swift's new music. But you know what?

I woke up this morning, the sun was shining, people were smiling. It made me realize, hey, we're all gonna be okay.

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US health officials monitoring a possible plague outbreak in Russia. Nearly 200 people reportedly under quarantine for the rare, highly contagious and deadly disease.

Lewis Black (2:25)

Oh, my God, the plague?

SPEAKER_12 (2:28)

Like, the plague?

SPEAKER_4 (2:29)

Plague?

Michael Kosta (2:30)

How come nothing good ever comes back from the 14th century? What I wouldn't do for a lusty wench with an ample bosom.

But no, it had to be the plague. Now, I know when you hear about something like this, your initial response is, Oh, my God, a deadly pandemic from a foreign country while Donald Trump is president. This is COVID all over again. But calm down. There's a lot of differences. For one, nobody's talking about this dangerous infection being accidentally released from a research institute.

SPEAKER_13 (3:00)

Russian authorities saying a dangerous infection was accidentally released at an anti-plague research institute in Southern Siberia.

SPEAKER_9 (3:09)

Oh, shit. It's deja-flu.

Michael Kosta (3:15)

By the way, do we really need these anti-disease labs that only seem to exist to occasionally leak new diseases? At least put something fun in them so the leak isn't all bad. Sure, we accidentally released the plague, but we also accidentally released a new Yankee candle scent.

But now that this pathogen is out there, our only hope is that President Trump is prepared for it. And let's be honest, that's not really his strength. But let's see what he has to say about it.

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What is the US going to do about the risk of mnemonic plague coming from Russia?

SPEAKER_6 (3:53)

They call it pneumonia.

SPEAKER_5 (3:55)

And pneumonia, you know, years ago, you could treat pneumonia easier.

SPEAKER_6 (3:59)

The microbes and the germs have gotten stronger disproportionately.

SPEAKER_9 (4:03)

Holy shit!

Michael Kosta (4:07)

Did Trump just say disproportionately and microbe? You know the situation is bad if Trump is learning new words. This guy falls asleep during every intelligence briefing. Now all of a sudden, he's coming out here like, DNA sequencing of this microbe disproportionately reveals concerning protein strength. This is not good. Don't forget, we as a country have completely turned against the basic precautions that got us through COVID. The joke's gonna be on us when the only people who survived this new plague is that Massachusetts lesbian bar.

But maybe the most concerning part is that during COVID, Donald Trump at least had some qualified people around him. Renowned scientists, physicians, public health experts. Remind me again, who's in charge of the health department this time around?

SPEAKER_14 (4:58)

I'm not scared of a germ, you know.

Lewis Black (5:01)

I use the snart cocaine of a toilet disease.