509 - Meghan and Harry, Classic Trump, & $40 Trillion In Debt

**Tim Dillon** (0:00)
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to The Tim Dillon Show. We did it. Meghan Markle and Harry are going back to the UK to raise their children. And I want to thank all of my colleagues that have made this happen and people like myself, Piers Morgan and others, although Piers now gets to own them.
They're coming back to the UK. The one thing about a good con knows when the jig is up.
They were probably saying, listen, what else are we going to do here? They spent six years in America.
They tried to do documentaries. They tried to write children's books. They tried to sell jam. She tried to be Martha Stewart. She had a Netflix show where she taught people how to make pasta. I mean, you gotta hand it to them. They left no stone unturned. But the thing is that the UK has to deal with them. He's the prince. You know, that's the thing about America. We don't have a royal family, so we don't really have to deal with anybody.
The UK has no choice.
They are back and you must deal with them. You must take them. It's like when you have a child and the child is acting up and getting in trouble in school and you go, well, they're your kid. You gotta deal with them.
That's the whole thing with suspension. Suspension, when the kid gets suspended from school, it punishes the parents because the state basically goes, they're your child. You deal with them. And in the same way, Meghan and Harry are going back to the country that is forced to deal with them. They have to, they have to take them back. This is what it is. They plan to relocate from the US to a private, non-royal residence outside London with their children, Prince Archie VII and Princess Lilibet V. They are enrolled to start school in September. Their UK security was downgraded after they stopped being working royals in 2020 Which by the way, do you realize what a loser you have to be to say, I'm not going to be a working royal? Like, I don't even, like, that's not even real. Being a working royal is not a job. You just go to places and wave, you get photographed. A working royal is the funniest coupling of words that has ever been invented in the English language. They resigned from their royal duties, which amounted to nothing. The royal duties were not even real. They would just go to some country that Britain still kind of owns, and they'd walk in there, and then there'd be a bunch of, like, young children with cleft palates, and they would go and stand with them and take a photo. That's what it means to be a working royal. You're not doing anything. They don't make policy.
They're not political in the way that, like, the prime minister is. They're a completely ceremonial, largely pretend tradition, and the people of the UK love them, and God bless, there's some value in tradition. I don't know what value there is in this, but they resigned from being working royals in 2020 and moved to the US where they have paid for their own protection. And by the way, no one wants to kill them. That's the other thing. Nobody wants to kill these people. Nobody cares enough to go kill them. People just want them to stop inflicting themselves on the pup. Nobody's trying to kill them.
But in their lurid fantasies, in her mind, White supremacists are trying to climb in the window of her Montecito estate and kill her to make some point.
So they had to pay for their own security because the UK was like, listen, if you're going to move to another country and not even do this fake thing, this fake thing we've set up, where you stand there and you take photos, that's all you have to do. If you're not even going to do that, if you're unwilling to do that, the British public funds are silly lives.
We get to sit in these castles and go rape people with Jeffrey Epstein.
We get to live lavishly. And the only thing the British public wants is unfettered access to our lives. Because while we ship their jobs to other countries, and while we bring in other people to do the only jobs left at home, we just want them to sit in their house and eat a fucking Tesco's chicken and watch tabloid shows and read tabloids about the palace intrigue of what's going on in your life. So that's what a royal is. A working royal is just a real housewife. It's just a gossip mongering. You exist to entertain the working class that the UK doesn't care about anymore, that languishes in alcoholism and in drug addiction. And the UK goes, you are their entertainment. That's what a working royal is. Just entertain them. Look nice, get in squabbles with the other members of the royal family. We're going to take all kinds of photos of you when you go on vacation. We're going to be climbing in a window at a hotel room. Sure, I guess a lot of it gets annoying, but make no mistake, you are living this life, not because you add value in any tangible, quantifiable way.