Why You’re Bad at Disagreeing (And How to Fix It)

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Julia Minson (1:00)

What I always tell people is that a constructive disagreement is a disagreement that leads the two parties to want to talk to each other again. So it's not reaching agreement, it's not building consensus, it's not finding a negotiated compromise, it's can we disagree, but in a way that makes you want to talk to me and makes me want to talk to you at some point in the future.

SPEAKER_4 (1:33)

Today, we're speaking with Julia Minson of the Harvard Kennedy School. She's the author of the book, How to Disagree Better, and co-author of the HBR article, A Smarter Way to Disagree.

Julia, welcome.

Julia Minson (1:45)

Thank you. It's great to be here.

SPEAKER_4 (1:46)

So why do teams and organizations need to do a better job of disagreeing?

Julia Minson (1:52)

Well, I mean, disagreement is such a crucial skill for any organization, right? The reason we bring people together into teams is because we want their opinions. If I didn't want another person to express their views, why am I paying for their presence in the room? There's a great quote by William Wrigley Jr., like the Wrigley Field and the, you know, Wrigley chewing gum guy, who said, when two men in business always agree, one of them is unnecessary.

SPEAKER_4 (2:20)

Okay.

And so what do teams normally get wrong? Is it they're not disagreeing enough or they're disagreeing in unhealthy ways?

Julia Minson (2:29)

So, I mean, honestly, I think it's both because it's a system, right? So when we don't feel like our ideas are going to be received with appreciation, with receptiveness, we don't want to speak up. And so, you know, we can advise leaders and team members all day long about how disagreement is important, but it's important in these like fairly abstract ways, right? It'll be good for the company, it'll be good for the team.

But the cost to me as an individual, if I disagree with my boss or if I disagree with my team member, is very immediate and very real. And so people are always making this trade-off between, do I want to speak up for the good of the future and have a difficult and unpleasant and risky conversation right now? So there's a real tension there. Yeah.

SPEAKER_4 (3:19)

I imagine that personality differences and cultural differences also come into pretty significant play here also.

Julia Minson (3:27)

Yeah. So I think there's always kind of different factors that predict how well we are at any skill, right? And so disagreement is like musical ability, right? Like some people are just better at it than other people, but all of us can get a lot better with a little bit of training and attention to how we're doing it.

SPEAKER_4 (3:48)

Yeah. And so do you encourage the leaders that you work with to embrace disagreement, to sort of encourage it among their team members?

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