Why you should take a 'say no' retreat

SPEAKER_1 (0:00)

This message comes from Charles Schwab with their original podcast, Choiceology. Choiceology is a show about the psychology and economics behind people's decisions. Download the latest episode and subscribe at schwab.com/podcast.

Marielle Segarra (0:15)

I had to kind of say no to myself last night. I get in a mood when I come home from traveling where I'm like, okay, time for more home improvement.

SPEAKER_1 (0:23)

Oh, yes.

Marielle Segarra (0:24)

I was saying to my partner like, I think we should paint this wall. I think we should paint this wall. Should we redo the whole bedroom?

I was like, you know what? I don't need to do this. No.

Caroline Sylge (0:35)

I just think I'll just go to bed. But you know what? It's interesting. You tapped into something there. You've demonstrated you were in a way on a little mini retreat away from your space. You come back and you can see with clarity a few things.

But as you said, you did yourself the favor of thinking, actually, I don't have the energy ultimately. I'm just going to put that idea on pause and go to bed.

Marielle Segarra (0:58)

Hey, it's Marielle Segarra. You're listening to Life Kit. And that was Caroline Sylge, author of the book, How to Retreat, a guide to stepping away from the everyday to find space for yourself.

Caroline Sylge (1:09)

Retreating is there to serve you in different ways throughout your life. It's not just something you do once. It's like a repetitive thing that you can do according to different themes and needs.

Marielle Segarra (1:20)

A lot of people, when they when they hear the word retreat, they think they have to some far-flung place, do some yoga, and get away from it all completely. Yes. And if that's not available to them in their day-to-day or week-to-week life, then they probably aren't thinking that a retreat is possible.

Caroline Sylge (1:41)

Absolutely. So that's what I wanted to do is reclaim retreating for everyone. So I have been retreating myself in various ways for over 30 years. And over that time, I have picked up some key principles which I feel make a really wonderful, immersive experience, whatever your life goals might be.

So I wanted to bring retreating into everyone's lives and make it something that was accessible, that you didn't need a kind of high class luxury spa to do, and that you could do actually even if you just have a simple hour in a day.

Marielle Segarra (2:18)

Caroline says retreating is about stepping away from your day-to-day life, from the stresses and strains of society, so that when you return, you can flourish. How long does it take to properly retreat?

Caroline Sylge (2:32)

I think that you can retreat in inverted commas for as little as 20 minutes, to be honest. I have a Vedic meditation practice that I do twice daily now. I've been doing for over four years, 20 minutes in the morning, 20 minutes in the afternoon. And for me, that is a daily retreat.

Obviously, the more time and energy you put into something, depending on what your goals are, the more depth you'll get out of it.

Marielle Segarra (2:58)

Caroline walks through lots of different possible themes for retreats in her book. But the one that grabbed me in this moment was the Say No retreat.

Caroline Sylge (3:06)

Do you know what? I want to say that you really did pull my favorite. I love saying no.

Marielle Segarra (3:10)

In the book, you suggest this as a one-day retreat.

You say that this can help us reclaim ourselves. What does that mean?

Caroline Sylge (3:20)

I think one of the things in our society that we need more of is time, energy, and space. I do believe that one way of doing that is to be able to say no to things with grace and good humor that really do not serve us.

I see people around me in my everyday who continually say yes to things, particularly women, and say yes to things for different reasons, because they feel they should or they must, or they want to feel more liked or more accepted, or they don't want to miss out, or they just don't feel equipped to be able to say no. When actually if they did learn how to say no to things that aren't serving them, then they could have more energy, time, and space to say yes to all the stuff they want to say yes to, and that will serve them and their families and those around them as well.

Marielle Segarra (4:18)

Yeah.

It just reminds me how much other people have priorities. Everyone in the world has priorities, including for you, like we need you to do this, we need you to do this, I need you to show up to that. They're just thinking about how you fit into their priorities. And if you don't think about your own, if you don't carve out that space, then next thing you know you're just like trying to meet everyone else's needs, you're not even thinking of yourself as a person anymore.