Why it's hard saying no to your boss' Instagram follow request

Kai Wen (0:04)

One day, you open your IG notice, and you see a follow request from your boss.

Sue-Ann Tan (0:07)

Do you accept it?

Kai Wen (0:08)

Or do you leave them hanging?

Sue-Ann Tan (0:10)

Hmm, let's talk about it. Hi, I'm Sue-Ann.

Kai Wen (0:12)

And I'm Kai Wen.

Sue-Ann Tan (0:13)

And you're listening to Headstart Nuggets, small talk about big issues.

Kai Wen (0:16)

We figure a doubting out together, so you don't have to do it alone.

Sue-Ann Tan (0:19)

Okay, so Kai Wen, have you ever had this experience of getting a friend request from your boss on IG, or worse, TikTok or Facebook?

Kai Wen (0:28)

Facebook, confirm no, definitely not. Because I do myself don't use it. Even if they did request for my friend, I won't be there to accept.

IG, actually, yes. So in my previous job, actually, my boss did send me, one of my supervisors did send me a request. And it was quite weird because it was the first week that I joined.

So within the first seven days, I already received a request. Then I was like, who is this person? And I went around asking people and then I realized, oh my god, it's my supervisor. Wow. And so I accepted it.

Sue-Ann Tan (1:02)

Okay, I'm now quite shocked.

Kai Wen (1:04)

I accepted it because I felt a bit pressured. Like, I feel like if I don't accept, then you know, like, is she gonna think that I don't like her, you know, or something.

Sue-Ann Tan (1:13)

Oh yeah, like bad first impressions.

Kai Wen (1:14)

Yeah, exactly the impression. And it's a new company, right? It's a new place. And I thought, you know, maybe she's gonna be a cool boss. You know, like maybe you can be friends on Instagram. You can ask each other, hey, how's your Sunday? You know, like, if she goes and watch a movie or what, you can ask. Yeah, but joke's on me. She's not a cool boss.

Sue-Ann Tan (1:30)

Oh.

Kai Wen (1:31)

How about you, Sue-Ann?

Sue-Ann Tan (1:32)

Have you ever? Okay, so, okay, this was a couple of years ago. So it was on Facebook, right?

Kai Wen (1:36)

Facebook.

Sue-Ann Tan (1:37)

This is back when people were using Facebook. Back when, back when.

Kai Wen (1:41)

Okay, okay.

Sue-Ann Tan (1:41)

So somebody, okay, one of the bosses, like sent me a friend request on Facebook.

And I also felt pressured in the sense that, like, if I don't accept, does it reflect on me, you know, as an employee, like, am I putting up my defences? You know, am I, like, being too guarded? So I accepted, but I blocked the person from viewing any of my posts.

Kai Wen (2:02)

Wait, so he's your Facebook friend. He or she is a Facebook friend, but they cannot view anything?

Sue-Ann Tan (2:06)

They cannot view my posts.

Kai Wen (2:07)

So it's restricted in a way.

Sue-Ann Tan (2:09)

Yeah, so you can, I think, choose on the posts, like, who, like, if you have a list of people that you can block.

Kai Wen (2:14)

That's actually so smart.

Sue-Ann Tan (2:15)

Yeah, so it's kind of like, oh, I accepted you, but you actually don't get to see anything.

Kai Wen (2:19)

Ah, okay, okay. Just to let the cat out of the bag, I also did that to my ex-boss. Because on Instagram, there is the exact same function.

Sue-Ann Tan (2:26)

But also, like, firstly, why should your boss want to follow you? And secondly, why does it, like, make you cringe so much? Or kind of go like, oh my gosh. I'm getting the eek. Yeah, like, what should I do? Like, why is this such a big issue?

Kai Wen (2:40)

Yeah. No, I think for me personally, I feel that if my boss does add me, and I'm in a new place like I mentioned, right, I just join the place. I'm not used to the culture yet. I'm not sure whether the bosses are super friendly, or how much of the personal lives the bosses want to be involved in.

So, I think in that moment, in that pressure, I will accept lah. Yeah, so I think it's a bit of the office culture also.

Sue-Ann Tan (3:02)

But, okay, to me, it's like there should be a boundary.

You know, like, okay, fine if we are like my colleague, and we talk in the pantry, like, oh, I saw over the weekend you did this, or like you went to this fair or whatever. But I think if like it's your boss asking you, to me, it's a bit strange because there's an inherent power dynamic and hierarchy there, right? Like, this person has power over you. They can give you work, they can, I mean, demote you, they can fire you, they can promote you, like anything. Basically, they hold all the power over you in the work situation. So, any information that you give them can technically be used, right?