Why do we hook up with our exes so often?

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Why do we hook up with our exes so often?

Thanks for asking.

You thought they were the one. You could already see yourselves growing old together, and then it just fell apart. A few arguments, one or two mistakes, and that was that. Except that between love, resentment, nostalgia and shared memories, sometimes the urge to go back for seconds creeps in. All it can take is meeting up for coffee or a slightly too boozy night out, and there you are, back in bed with your ex. There's no need to panic though, it happens, and often actually. Is it really that common? Yes, absolutely. According to a survey by sex toy brand Love Honey in 2023, reported on by the Huffington Post, 53% of the 2,000 people questioned had already slept with an ex.

They put it down to sexual compatibility. And it doesn't always stop at sex. Around one in two couples decide to give their relationship another chance after a break up, according to another study by the University of Utah and the University of Toronto. In other words, if you're still crying under your duvet because you miss your ex, don't worry. You might well have a one in two chance of winning them back.

But why do people do it? What's the point of sleeping with your ex? Because it's tempting, plain and simple. A 2020 study published in Evolutionary Psychology looked into the question, asking heterosexual adults aged 18 to 34 to list all the reasons why they had engaged in breakup sex in the past. Together, they came up with 52 different reasons. An impressive number, albeit some of the reasons were relatively similar. The top two most cited reasons were because the sex was fun, and because they missed having sex. There are other more romantic reasons, of course, involving feelings, like wanting to get back together, loneliness, or missing the person, for example. And let's be honest, with an ex you already know the terrain, there's no need to go through the awkwardness of first dates. You know what you like and what you don't, and that can be reassuring. According to Psychology Today, people tend to experience the aftermath very differently depending on gender. Although hedonism was the most common motivation for both men and women, it was even more common among men. Generally speaking, men reported feeling happier after engaging in breakup sex than women, perhaps due to their hedonistic motivations. Is breakup sex really healthy though? That mostly depends on you and what you expect from it. If everyone's on the same page, then why not? But if you're secretly hoping to rekindle the flame while the other person just sees it as a bit of fun, that's when it can hurt. With an ex, there's always a past full of emotions that's hard to ignore, which makes it difficult to keep things purely physical or detached. If you feel yourself getting emotionally drawn back in, taking a love detox, i.e. a real break with no contact, might be a more effective way to move on.

There you have it!

Now you know why we hook up with our exes so often. In under three minutes, we answer your questions and help you understand the true meaning behind the trends, concepts and acronyms that are making headlines. Listen along and you will really know for sure.