Why do friend breakups hurt so much?

**SPEAKER_1** (0:00)
They say everything happens for a reason, but I suspect everything happens for a reason. Like this commercial break. Did you need 15 seconds away from music or 15 seconds to eat a reason? Perhaps it's true. Everything happens for a reason.

**SPEAKER_2** (0:15)
Chronic migraine, 15 or more headache days a month, each lasting four hours or more, can make me feel like a spectator in my own life.

**SPEAKER_3** (0:21)
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**SPEAKER_4** (0:32)
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**SPEAKER_2** (1:09)
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**Bababam** (1:19)
Why do friend breakups hurt so much?
Thanks for asking.
We all know that getting over romantic relationships can take time, sometimes weeks, months or even years. Many poems, songs and film scenes have been dedicated to expressing the pain of dealing with such situations. But friendship heartbreaks don't tend to get the same level of attention, even though they can hurt as much or even more. What are the main differences between these two types of breakup?
Well, one of the main things is that there's a template for ending a romantic relationship. It's a rite of passage really. Things are way more blurry when it comes to pinpointing exactly how or when a friendship starts and ends. We kind of expect it to last forever. So it's a shock to the system if it doesn't. Most of us would struggle to know how to firmly but respectfully put an end to a friendship when we need to. A Women's Health Mag article from February 2022 suggested that much of it is down to the expectations of monogamy when you're in a relationship. If you want to move on to someone new, you have to end things with your current partner. Whereas with friendships, that's not the case. You can go hang out with other friends pretty much anytime you want. Nevertheless, friendships can be very profound, meaningful relationships. We rely on close friends not only for socializing, but also for emotional support.
Often they become like family. So it's certainly possible to go through stages of grief after a friend breakup. Let's listen to Toronto based vlogger Ashley Flores talking about her experience with friend breakups on her YouTube channel.

**Ashley Flores** (2:59)
Like, can we just normalize it, please? Like, can I call my friends and cry over my other friends that I've lost? Like, please? Like, can we normalize it? Because I'm sick of everybody pretending that we're just not supposed to care because it can be really, really tough.

**Bababam** (3:12)
What's the best way to end a friendship then? Let's be real and recognize that there are legitimate reasons for wanting to end a friendship. Sometimes it happens naturally when a person moves away, and it's just not practical to see each other as often as before. In other scenarios, you may simply no longer share the same interests or values which brought you together in the first place. Or it could be something more negative, like an unhealthy rivalry, repeated deceit, or toxic friendship.
As we're generally not trained to end friendships, we often avoid confronting the situation, leading to a fade out. That can become awkward if one person clearly still wants to keep the friendship going though. In which case, having a frank conversation may be the best option. Of course, you want to go into that situation without any anger or animosity. After all, you're not looking to insult the person or assign blame, but you do owe it to them to explain why you want to end the friendship. You can't guarantee that their feelings won't be hurt, but you can do your best to keep things peaceful. That brings us on to the worst ways to end a friendship. Don't enlist other friends to take care of the friend breakup for you, as that will seem either cowardly or disrespectful. And it goes without saying any hostility or aggression should be avoided. So no yelling, no harassing, and no acts of revenge or bitter social media posts, please. If the other person gets aggressive towards you, you can always block their number and accounts.