Why Better Sex Starts Outside the Bedroom

Dr. Emily Morse (0:00)

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When you have an adventure together, you're not only going to give yourself something to talk about on the way home, but you're flushed with that exercise high. And you can use that for sex, especially since your brain is associated that exciting activity with the person who joined you.

It's like foreplay.

Hey, everyone, welcome to Sex With Emily. I'm Dr. Emily Morse, and my mission is to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. Whether you're looking to improve your relationships, have better communication, explore your desires, or simply have your best sex ever, you are in the right place. Before we jump in, make sure you're following me everywhere. It's at Sex With Emily on Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, Facebook. For even more sex and relationship advice and more resources, go to sexwithemily.com. Sign up for my free weekly newsletter. I hear I give really good newsletter. Shop my curated sexual wellness products and picks at shopsexwithemily.com and explore hundreds of articles, download free guides, and everything you need to have the best sex ever. And one more thing, I'm taking Sex With Emily on the road. My new live show, The Best Sex Abortor, is coming to cities across the country. It's basically live coaching meets comedy meets audience Q&A, and we are getting into it. There has been magic happening in these rooms. You just have to come experience it. There's real conversations about sex and dating and relationships, and we become very close by the end of the night. Visit sexwithemily.com/events for dates and tickets. And thanks for listening or watching and for being here. And thanks for prioritizing your pleasure. So how do you kickstart sexual arousal? Would you believe me if I told you that sometimes the best ways to get turned on have nothing to do with sex itself? Well, you take the focus off the bedroom and turn your focus toward adventure. The kind that gets your heart pumping, your adrenaline going, and your anticipation building, a cool thing happens in your brain. You're excited and that excitement spills over from the activity into sex.

Pretty nifty, right? It's kind of cool. So on today's show, we're going to trust, touch, and tiddle it our way towards arousal with bonding hacks you can use on your next date, whether it's with a long-term partner or someone new. Plus, I take your questions. Ways to feel confident and sexual again after a breakup. How to have kinky sex with a partner who says they aren't interested in any kink at all. How to decide if you should wait to develop a relationship with a super busy person or just cut them loose. How to take sexy pictures with each other. And how to communicate your needs efficiently outside the bedroom so you can reignite the spark when you're back inside.

All right, everyone, let's talk sexy bonding activities.

I've got lots of questions from you all on how to have sex with your dates, how to make your sex life more passionate, all that.

But I'm going to be honest with you. Sometimes arousal is a little indirect. It's not always just like throwing some lingerie, light a candle, and let the sex begin. Poof, we're excited. Often, we have to work with our own brain chemistry beforehand to create an aroused state of mind so we can actually ground in the moment and be turned on.

Only then can you use that energy with your partner, to have the heart-pumping sex you all crave. And I know you do. So before we get into your questions, I want to break down sexy bonding activities along three themes, trust, titillate, and touch. Let's do this. So number one, we have bonding activities centered on the idea of trust.

This is where you're going to have to get a little bit vulnerable. You're stepping out of your comfort zones, and in so doing, you're witnessing a new side of each other.

Let me give you some specific examples. You're going out to dinner with your partner, and you take one of those question card games along with you, like Esther Peral's Where Should We Begin? Or like Serena Kerrigan's card deck Let's F*** Date. Both these women, by the way, are friends on the podcast. So here's some example questions, and you'll see what I'm talking about. What's one thing you've wanted to say to me, but haven't yet? Or if you were a soup, what kind of soup would you be?