What Percent Gay Are You?

Tom Segura (0:05)

Welcome to another episode of 2 Bears, 1 Cave. He's Bert, I'm Tom.

Very exciting day. I did not know that Hunter Biden said he's now 48% gay. And what it made me want to discuss with you is what percent gay do you think you are?

Bert Kreischer (0:25)

Wow, more than 48, I think.

Tom Segura (0:27)

More than 48?

Bert Kreischer (0:29)

Probably. I mean, I actually had this conversation with my daughter this morning making coffee.

Tom Segura (0:35)

This morning you talked about how gay you are?

Bert Kreischer (0:37)

This morning, I had this conversation with Georgia.

Tom Segura (0:40)

Well, how did it go?

Bert Kreischer (0:42)

I can't believe you brought this up.

Tom Segura (0:46)

Wait, he said this in an interview. Do we have the clip?

Bert Kreischer (0:49)

Oh, Hunter Biden really said this?

Tom Segura (0:53)

Yeah, I think so.

Bert Kreischer (0:54)

I thought you just made that up. I was like, crazy intro.

Tom Segura (0:57)

No, I mean, it's real. This is fascinating, because you can, you know, sexuality is fluid. We know that. That's something that's, it's all over the map. People can morph and change and have desires change. But I want to know what his gayness is, because this is a new thing. He's doing the rounds, man. He's doing all the rounds.

Is he promoting?

Bert Kreischer (1:21)

I am gay.

Tom Segura (1:22)

Really?

SPEAKER_1 (1:24)

Wow.

Tom Segura (1:25)

Are you gay? I only, only a little bit.

SPEAKER_1 (1:28)

I think everybody is a little bit gay.

Tom Segura (1:29)

More or less than 50%. What? More or less than 50%.

SPEAKER_4 (1:33)

48.6.

Tom Segura (1:35)

Did I hear you're a painter? Okay, well, that was kind of a jokey answer though. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought he was being like, you know, like if DeStefano said that, I'd be like, yeah, that's about right.

Bert Kreischer (1:44)

Yeah. Remember when Brody said he was, he was, what did Brody say? There's, Red Band would know that.

He's, what would, can someone find out what Brody said on Rogan? That was like the funniest clip.

Tom Segura (2:04)

About how gay he is?

Bert Kreischer (2:05)

Yeah.

Tom Segura (2:06)

Yeah, so there's a funny thing, because then you think about people you know, right? Like DeStefano, of course, we know, he's probably 63% gay. And then, you know, you said Red Band, I'd say he's about 30%.

Tony Hinchcliffe's probably about 77% gay.

SPEAKER_5 (2:20)

The Joe Rogan Experience.

Tom Segura (2:21)

There you go. There's Amish porn.

SPEAKER_4 (2:25)

Yeah, I don't think they're really Amish.

SPEAKER_5 (2:26)

I don't think you're allowed to fuck in front of a camera if you're Amish. I think it steals your soul.

SPEAKER_4 (2:30)

Or is that Indians?

Tom Segura (2:31)

How does that work? It's such a different Joe back then. That's so funny. It's such a different Joe. Keep going.

Oh, is it? Oh.

Bert Kreischer (2:40)

That's 44 minutes. It's 10% gay.

Tom Segura (2:43)

Let's just watch 44 minutes and see where it is.

Bert Kreischer (2:45)

Well, how many views does it have? It might get more than ours. Let's just play a Rogan episode. I think it would work.

Tom Segura (2:52)

And then we'll just be like, so there you go.

SPEAKER_1 (2:54)

There's that episode.

Bert Kreischer (2:55)

Cut to a Sam and Mark clip. Then a fucking Bad Friends. And I think we got an episode.

Tom Segura (3:01)

Okay, but back to the subject at hand.

SPEAKER_5 (3:03)

So percentage of gay.

Bert Kreischer (3:05)

This is what I said to Georgia.

Tom Segura (3:06)

Okay.

Bert Kreischer (3:07)

I said, when I was a child, we weren't allowed to explore our sexuality. There was no openness to being gay. It was like, and I was saying, I was really like, I mean, I know I'm straight because that's the thing I like.

But I, you know, I got, I didn't always have it easy with women. I never had it easy with women. And I bet if it was like socially acceptable to suck your friends' dicks and have your friends suck each other's dicks, I would have spitefully gone gay out of my resentment towards women, my fucking shunning. I would have shunned the female community as a whole. And they're like, fuck you, you don't want me. I don't want you either. And I would have just fucking sucked my friends' dicks.

Tom Segura (3:50)

I actually believe this about you. And I also feel like there's part of your personality where you're like, whatever, this is fun, or this is funny, or like, doesn't it feel good? Like you don't like it?