What Is Your Team Afraid to Tell You? | A Bit of Optimism: Feelings at Work | PART 3

**Alex Simon** (0:00)
There are really small changes that people can make, leaders and also just everyone on teams can make, that will make everyone else's lives feel better. It's like the thing that people are sidebarring, texting me like, oh my god, can you believe that he just did this and that? It's like, well, no one's telling him. So how is he supposed to fix it? I'm obsessed with the fact that all of the information about how I can grow and improve is in the room and in my blind spot. And the only way that I can figure it out is by asking for it and by receiving it well.

**Simon Sinek** (0:27)
If you have spinach in your teeth, you'd want someone to tell you, right? Sure, it's an awkward three seconds, but helpful for the rest of the day. So why is it that when someone on our team is missing deadlines or dominating meetings, or doing that one thing that drives everyone crazy, nobody says anything to them? Instead, we side text our colleagues, we vent to our friends, or we carry a quiet resentment for months. But do we say anything to the person to try and fix the issue?
No, because that would be too uncomfortable. Giving someone feedback is one of, if not the hardest things to do.
We don't want to upset people, we don't want to start a fight, and even if we do give the feedback, we can't even be sure that it was properly received. Here's the good news. There are simple techniques we can learn to give us more confidence to have those uncomfortable conversations and when we do, for them to go well.
Instead of taking a summer hiatus, we're presenting a special five-episode series of A Bit of Optimism to go deep on human skills, the things that help us connect, collaborate, and succeed in any human relationship. That's why I invited Alex Simon to join me. She's a founder of LifeShop, where she teaches emotional intelligence. And over these five episodes, we will tackle some of the messier interactions, like having hard conversations, people pleasing, listening, and taking accountability. And of course this one, giving feedback. Because in this age of AI, sure, the AI can write your performance review, it can draft the talking points, but feedback only works when a human being looks another human being in the eye and says, I care about you enough to tell you this. That part is still very human. So here's what you can expect from this episode. First, I'll share a simple technique that I learned from the US Air Force that has completely changed the culture at our office in how we give and receive feedback. It turns criticism from something people are uncomfortable with into something they more than tolerate. They actually want it. Once you hear this technique, you'll become obsessed with it, just like I have. Next, we explore a deceptively simple way to say a hard thing without blowing up a relationship. And finally, I'll share an amazing story of a leader who I admire who learned the hard way how feedback works, when it's appropriate to give it, and how to give it in a way that people can actually hear it. She thought her feedback would help people improve their performance. It turns out there's much more to understand about human dynamics than that. So let me start with my first bit of feedback for you. I care about you and I want you to be the best feedback giver and receiver you can be. And if you enjoy this episode, please remember to subscribe. This is A Bit of Optimism.
Let's talk about feedback. Feedback is one of those underappreciated things in a company. Everybody knows that you have to give it.
Everybody knows at some point you have to receive it. People like getting good feedback. A lot of people don't like getting bad feedback. And a lot of people don't know how to give it. And a lot of people don't know how to receive it. And both are teachable. I had a colleague who I needed to give feedback to. And like most people, I tend to give feedback the way I like to receive feedback. I like it plain and simple. Just tell me what you need to tell me. I despise feedback sandwiches, something generic and positive, something really specific and navigative, and something generic and positive. That's supposed to make somebody feel good. Just tell me what you need to tell me and let's just be done with it, right? And so that's how I give feedback.
Turns out not everybody likes to receive feedback that way.

**Alex Simon** (4:17)