What Drives You? Understanding Tep 2's Through the Enneagram

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Michelle Martin (0:22)

Good morning. Have you thought, why is this happening again? The same pattern.

Sounds familiar, like I walked down this path a while ago. Maybe you're stressed, you're challenged, you're in relationships, and you're seeing this pattern just keep coming up. Well, today, I'm going to talk to you about the Enneagram. It's a personality framework built around nine different types, and its appeal goes beyond just putting a label on who you are at its heart. The Enneagram answers a really interesting question. What drives you? What are you trying to protect? What are you trying to prove? What are you trying to avoid? What are you open to receiving? Sometimes without even realizing it. So today, we explore the second of the nine Enneagram types. Last time, with my fabulous guest, we explored type one, which is the reformer. We have so much empathy for the reformer, the principle, generous, but really self-controlled reformer who can be overly critical and perfectionist. A lot of us saw people that we know, maybe even ourselves in type one.

She's back, Cindy Leong, founder of the Enneagram Academy to walk us to type two. Cindy, how are you?

Cindy Leong (1:31)

I'm great. Thank you.

Michelle Martin (1:33)

Good to have you back. So type twos, let me give the introduction. Apparently, Mother Teresa, Oprah Winfrey, Princess Diana are type twos, and in their own ways, they care for each other, they connect with people, they make a difference.

But if you think Oprah, Princess Di, Mother Teresa, they're all really different, right? So warm, generous, witty, over-giving. What happens when type two spends so much time looking after everybody else, they forget about themselves? Let's figure it all out. What defines the Enneagram type two in your book, Cindy?

Cindy Leong (2:08)

Let's go back to the biology. Okay.

Now, type two, there is increased sensitivity in oxytocin in social areas of the brain. Oh. Yeah, that's a lot of love.

Michelle Martin (2:21)

That's why they love to connect.

Cindy Leong (2:23)

Yes. So this resulted in intense caregiving drive and deep need to be needed and loved.

So sometimes they would give, give, give, give in exchange for love and validation. Yes. So sometimes they over give and they forget about themselves.

Michelle Martin (2:40)

Oh, gosh. So how can someone recognize the type 2 tendencies in themselves?

Cindy Leong (2:47)

Usually you would realize tools naturally are sensitive to people's needs, even without anyone saying anything. It's like they have this sensing antenna that goes out and they could sense, oh, this person may need this, this, this, this, this.

Just an example, right? I remembered I was in a Train The Trainer program, and the room was a little cold, so I asked you, I didn't need anything. But type 2's mind would naturally come up with many, many options to help. For example, tissue paper, give you a shawl, give you a jacket.

Michelle Martin (3:18)

They are that person.

Cindy Leong (3:19)

Lower down the temperature. If they don't have something, they will probably borrow someone else's jacket to pass to me.

And then they could even go out and get a cup of hot water and pass it to you.

Michelle Martin (3:31)

What is that, a dating agency with just type 2?

Cindy Leong (3:35)

Yeah, but there is also the fifth side of the same coin, which we will talk about later.

Michelle Martin (3:40)

Okay, so some everyday signs are, sounds like they're caring, they're generous, they're supportive.

Cindy Leong (3:44)

Yeah, and they can go all the way out, right, like going the extra mile. So I remember this lady literally went out to fetch a glass of hot water, and on just that, go to her bag and took the peppermint essential oil, and she drops two drops into the cup and pass it to me.

I was like, wow, so much effort, right? And they even asked for it, right? So that is when, no two sides of the coin, you'll feel, oh, that's very nice, very warm, but you'll be like, what if I don't take essential oil? Like, having essential oil in the water is like so weird, right? Like, not everyone drinks it. So how? So the person did so much, you'll feel a little obligated. So sometimes the over-helping tendencies of the two might…

Michelle Martin (4:23)

They cross boundaries. They can cross into people's boundaries, not knowing, because they're trying to help.