Verbal Graffiti - Episode 124: Student loan has Redditor in eternal debt & ugly pretty couples

**Brian Glass** (0:06)
Don't suck a fat one. I have an addiction to smuts.
I'm right-handed, but my ball sack is left-sided.
Get the Bee Man a double cheeseburger.
Take the tip and shut up. Hello, internet, and welcome to episode 124 of Verbal Graffiti with your host, Brian Glass, a.k.a. the Bee Man, the Beeple's Degenerate. One question for all of you ugly viewers and listeners, right now, have you ever seen titties so lopsided that they remind you of a Picasso painting? That was a new joke I wrote yesterday. Yesterday, I tried it last night on stage. I forgot the name of the painter, Picasso. He's got those body paintings. You know, they're super famous, where they're all kind of off-center and boxy. And that's why, you know, one titty's here, and one titty's down here. That resembles a Picasso painting. But as I said, the line last night, I opened with this. It was an open mic, so there weren't a lot of people there. But I still try to be professional at an open mic. The B-man goes, hey, have you ever seen titty so lopsided? They remind you of, ah, ah. And I banged the table, or I banged my hand. I forgot the name of the painter. The painter who does those, he's famous, early 1900s. He, multimillion dollar paintings. They're boxy faces, kind of cartoonish looking. Actually, and I couldn't remember, and then midway through, I go, Picasso, Picasso. That's the punchline. I retold the joke and was able to get a laugh because the B-man, I have, I'm magnetic on stage. I have a presence to me. I don't know if I have it here on camera, but on mic, on the stage, the B-man brings, brings the lava or the fire. Some of you, some of you NPCs say, oh, what was I, yeah, yeah, I've been thinking, I've been struggling to write jokes of late. So usually I go with Queef. I try to write a bunch of Queef jokes, but now I'm going to lopsided titties. Oh, those, those titties are so lopsided, we could play Plinko with them. Is Plinko a reference? A reference that the Zoomers, do they get that? A Price is Right, Bob Barker, the Plinko, you put it in, it bounces, and there's a Price on the bottom. Does that really make sense with two lopsided titties? I don't know, I don't know, but it's a little writing exercise to be, man, does. When he gets in a bit of a rut, he picks one topic and writes a bunch of one-liners on that topic or a thing, or bits about that one topic, and then I just try to make each joke funnier than the previous one. And it's a fun little writing exercise. Creative writing, if you never took it in high school. I did not take creative writing in high school, but to be, man, let's hear Verbal Graffiti. We are not talking about creative writing in high school. Enough with the lopsidede tits, but we're always gonna go back to the titties here at Verbal Graffiti, because that is a major theme that runs through all episodes, 124 of this project, that is Verbal Graffiti. I don't mind. Actually, you know, when it comes to lopsidede titties, I can never be with somebody long-term who has titties that are not symmetrical, because I have OCD. So everything in my room has to be exactly ordered a certain way, and I am one of those people. Or if I walk into your living room, and I notice that a painting or a poster on the wall is a little uneven, I am going to point it out, make your attention aware of that crooked painting. And I will, without asking permission, go and try to even it out. So if I have that, right, that's a neurological condition that I have, OCD, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I need things that are level, straight. I'm very particular about that. So of course, if I take your top off and the boobies, the nipples, that is, are lopsided, I'm gonna have to wear a blindfold to boink you. That's just, that's how it's gonna be. But that's not what I wanted to open this episode about. I was listening. We're moving on, transitioning here. I was, don't put your hands in front of the microphone, B-Man, I was listening to a podcast with an OnlyFans actress. I'm not sure if you call her a porn star. I'm not sure if they like that term or not, if that's slander or if they vibe with that term or not. I'm gonna say porn star, but she is an OnlyFans performer. We're being very polite here. I don't remember her name. She was blonde and the B-Man, I like brunettes. The guest, the guest on this podcast was Violet Myers. Hmm, that piques my interest. As all you may know, the B-Man, I've hawked my dick, Loogie, to Violet Myers upwards of 100 times the past three years or so. I'd put the over and under of the number of times I've hawked my dick, Loogie, to Violet Myers in the privacy of my own bedroom, I'd put it at 87 and a half total. I think that's a fair number that Vegas would take action on. Anyway, she was a guest, and she's a busty brunette. They were having, there were a lot of things. Actually, let's back up a little bit. I always used to listen to podcasts with comics. I loved comics, it's the banter. Not in any way was this, The Hang. The Hang podcast, two or three comics, smoking a blunt or having a few cocktails, and getting inebriated and talking shit to each other. That was my favorite type of podcast up until about a year, maybe two years ago. And I feel as though the successful comedians, the named comedians that you can name, the ones who tour nationally and internationally, the ones who have very successful podcasts, they're very, all of them, and I am not of them, I am a failure at comedy, so I'll say whatever the fuck I want. I have nothing to lose. But the comedians who have something to lose, they will not talk shit about other comics. Are they, there's a lot of, I'll tell you after. I'll tell you after we stop filming. And that kind of ruins the podcast, because whatever that is, none of us hears, oh, I'll tell you after who it was who did this in the green room, or who I had this altercation with, or who I had this sexual relationship with, or who dick I sucked in the hallway. And all those, oh, wait, I wanna know. This is interesting. This is gonna be clipped in and put all over the internet. That doesn't become part of the podcast, because comedians, the successful comedians, are too aware that the camera, that the microphone is on. So I, personally, I just, I feel as though the comedian podcasters, the entertainment value of a lot of them, it's been subpar since, they're just not as free flowing as it once was before. When podcasting, it wasn't done solely as a monetary venture, when it was just a guy shooting and gal shooting the shit for fun to try to raise. It was just done for fun. It wasn't done, oh, well, we'll do a podcast together. We'll put out every week, we'll do merch, we'll go on tour together. And this is how we'll make a living. And now that seems to be the only reason why a lot of comedians do podcasts. Even me, I'll admit, I'm trying to raise my stature in the comedy game. But I have noticed the last six months or so, porn stars and OnlyFans actresses who have podcasts, they let it ride. They'll talk shit, they'll talk about everything they do. They have the podcast, sorry, the porn star podcasters have replaced the comedian podcasters in terms of entertainment. Because the porn stars, they let it ride. They don't hide any secrets. They'll tell you who they were fucking, when they were fucking, who they were doing drugs with, what celebrities they've interacted with, what embarrassing stories they've had on set. They let it ride. And that's why I find myself gravitating towards these smut, makers of smut, who are now podcasting. Nobody has one title anymore. You don't do just one thing. If you have one job title, go back to the 20th century, okay? We are in the 21st century. Anyways, so I'm listening to this podcast. I know how to bring a story together, I think. Let's see if I can do it. So this OnlyFans twat, and I say that affectionately, was interviewing Violet Myers, but it was more of a conversation than an interview. And it was at some point during the podcast, Violet Myers had mentioned that she's not on birth control. Whoa, whoa. What are you doing to me, Violet? What are you doing, Violet? If you're a porn star, one of the brand name porn stars who work for the companies, browsers and WinOne and all those big, you know, the big time brands, Vixen. All right, B-Man, you know you're porn. You know you're smart. But she was, Violet, like, how can you not be on birth control? Because they were talking in this podcast about how Violet prefers creampies. As do I. Violet reached out to the B-Man. Maybe we can, you know, collab together. Anyways, anyways, it's just kind of... Look, I'm not going to tell a babe what to do with her body, even though I do that all the time. In this instance, when it comes to birth control, pills, IUDs, and all that, I'm not going to tell you what to do. That's your body. But, but, if you're in porn, and that's how you make your living, and that is how Violet Myers, whoa, what a bodacious babe she is, makes her living, and you're taking cream pies from all these guys, all these professional Johns, you might want to get on some type of birth control, because you have the type of body, it's thick, it's bodacious, it's curvy, which the B-man and all of us here at Verbal Graffiti, we love, we love. 87 and a half over 100 times, we've loved. But you're the type of lady, porn star, if you get pregnant, like your body is probably not gonna come back to porn star status. So there are porn stars, like Aqara, she has a baby, I think, I might be spreading rumors, but she was a very petite lady, and her body was able to come back to form. But if you're a busty Latino, just a busty porn star in general, then you gotta be in some type of birth control, because that's how you make your living. The pregnant, the belly, we don't want that. I mean, there is the prego fetish out there, but you're mainstream. You ain't fetish, Violet Meyer. It was like, you gotta get in some type of birth control, so that you continue to make adult films with the figure that you have. We also love your personality. And in this interview, I also learned two things that were, how shall I say it? I didn't, I'm not disappointed. It was just deflated. It was just deflating to me. It's just, oh, oh. One, one, Violet Meyers had mentioned that she has a BBL, Brazilian Butt Lift. I was under an impression that Violet's behind was all natural. So when I realized, or so when she had confessed that she does have a BBL, I was like, oh. Oh, you fooled me for years. I was a child, I had a baseball, you know, similar to PEDs.