Top 10 Practices for Resetting Your Time, Space, Body, Inner Critic, and Social Life | Laurie Santos and Gretchen Rubin

Dan Harris (0:03)

Hey, everybody, welcome to the 10% Happier Podcast. I'm Dan Harris. Today, we're going to talk about smart strategies for when you're stuck, drifting, doubting yourself. I think for most of us, it's quite common to enter periods of time where we feel this way, even just in the middle of a normal day, or sometimes, unfortunately, for longer periods during our lives. I will say that the timing for this interview, for me, is perfect because I'm experiencing some pretty pronounced creative and professional stuckness that maybe we'll talk about a little bit.

But anyway, with my guests today, we're going to talk about how to figure out what is keeping you stuck, how to talk to yourself in these situations, and how to get out of them. I have two guests today, people I happen to love.

Gretchen Rubin is host of the Happier Podcast and the author of multiple bestsellers, including The Happiness Project, Life in Five Senses, and her latest Secrets of Adulthood. Dr. Laurie Santos is a professor of psychology at Yale University and host of another excellent podcast, The Happiness Lab Podcast. Just to say quickly, this episode is part of an occasional series we're running this year where we're celebrating the 10th anniversary of this show. During this series, we bring back some of our favorite guests and do a top 10 list. Today, it's going to be a top 10 ways to get unstuck with Gretchen Rubin and Laurie Santos. Dr. Laurie Santos, Gretchen Rubin, welcome back to the show, both of you.

Gretchen Rubin (1:32)

Hello, Dan.

Laurie Santos (1:33)

Thanks so much for having us back.

Dan Harris (1:36)

Let's get right into the list. The first thing on the list is to know what is actually keeping you stuck. Laurie, let me start with you. How does one know what the problem is?

Laurie Santos (1:49)

One of the biggest problems that we see and that I talk about a lot on the podcast is just the idea that we are often very stuck because our minds are constantly giving us bad information about how to get unstuck, about how to feel good, about how to be mindful. One of the big premises of my show, The Happiness Lab, is this idea that our minds lie to us about the types of things that make us happy.

We're constantly going after the wrong stuff. And so I think part of getting unstuck is just recognizing that, recognizing that our intuitions might be leading us astray. And that recognition can help you commit to finding some better strategies that won't be misleading you over time.

Dan Harris (2:22)

So you're telling me that when I feel stuck, it's the wrong strategy to be cranky with my family and overeat Pringles?

Laurie Santos (2:33)

Yes. You know, for me, when I'm stuck, it's slamming the dishwasher never helps. Like, you know, kind of like immediately binge watching terrible true crime shows on Netflix for hours at a time, also not super effective. Like, this is the sad thing, is like our brains have these go to choose that don't make things better and in some cases actually make things worse, right? And so I think recognizing that, recognizing that your intuition, what your mind is telling you to do right at that moment, that it might be leading you astray, I honestly think that that's strategy number one, because then you can open your mind up to what are some possibly healthier strategies.

Dan Harris (3:06)

Gretchen, when you, if you ever experience periods of stuckness or indecision, drift, getting, you know, in a rut, how do you figure out what the problem is?

Gretchen Rubin (3:19)

Well, this word drift, I mean, that is something that I have done in my life. And I do think that sometimes when you're stuck in kind of a larger way, not just on a particular day, but maybe in a big way, often it has to do with drift. And drift is when we make a decision by not deciding, or we do something because everybody else is doing it, or this is what people expect of us, or we don't want to cause an argument, we don't want to disappoint somebody. So we just kind of go along with it. So you become a doctor because your parents are doctors, you get married because everybody else is getting married. I went to law school because I didn't know what else to do with myself. And I thought, well, it'll keep my options open. It's a great education. I can always change my mind later. I didn't mindfully choose that path. I just drifted into it. And I think sometimes when we're stuck, it's because we've drifted into something that we don't really want to be doing, but we didn't really even recognize that we were choosing it because we just allowed ourselves to be carried into it. And the funny thing about drift is the word drift sounds so easy, like, ooh, this is the easy, lazy choice. But actually, drift is sometimes extraordinarily difficult.