The Summer Bears Came For The Winter

Stavros Halkias (0:05)

Hey, everybody, and welcome to the Winter Bears.

Chris Distefano (0:09)

Look at us.

Stavros Halkias (0:10)

Wow. Wow. We thought they were phoning it in in the summer.

Chris Distefano (0:15)

Yes.

Stavros Halkias (0:15)

But this is the next level, folks.

Chris Distefano (0:18)

Get ready.

Stavros Halkias (0:19)

Tom is just in the room over there. Yes. He's just over there having coffee. Ben, we want to be clear. We will never do this show full time.

Chris Distefano (0:27)

Never.

Stavros Halkias (0:28)

It's not going to happen. We thought we were doing a horrible job last time. You are in for four of the most phoned in episodes you have ever experienced in your lives. We don't give a fuck. That's the beauty of this. This is like, okay, the last summer, it was like when your parents have a work trip, so they have to get a babysitter to watch you. This is just, now your parents are on Benzos in the pool and they've just hired a maid to look at you.

We're just like a babysitter because your parents are sick of looking you in the face.

Chris Distefano (1:03)

100% two things, and I'm speaking for you Stavi, but I believe that you'll agree with me, two things I'll never do in my life, this podcast full time or Bert Kreischer's comedy cruise?

Stavros Halkias (1:18)

Listen, yeah, the cruise is tough.

Chris Distefano (1:21)

I got an offer for it and the answer is resounding no and it always will be. I'm not getting on a boat with Bert Kreischer.

Stavros Halkias (1:28)

A boat is one step too far. I don't want to be in international waters with Bert's biggest super fans.

Chris Distefano (1:34)

I don't need to be in international waters close to his bare nipples. No thanks.

Stavros Halkias (1:39)

I'll be on a tour bus with his nips. Yeah, sure. I like the tour bus, but yeah, I need to be on dry land.

Chris Distefano (1:45)

100%.

Stavros Halkias (1:45)

I need to know so I could bail out and I could fucking hitchhike to the nearest Buc-ee's and get home if something goes wrong.

Chris Distefano (1:52)

Now they're holding on to this show, to this network, the same reason why parents hold on, you know, they're trying to make sure they're, you know, we want to stay together till our kids are 18, then we'll go on. They're holding on because they have a contract with HelloFresh, so.

Stavros Halkias (2:07)

We are here to sell pre-portioned chicken cordon blues, and that's all we're here for.

Chris Distefano (2:12)

The money was given up front, and so between that and BetterHelp and whatever lightning strike bullshit drink that they sell, all that stuff.

Stavros Halkias (2:21)

We were like advertising like a financial services company. Remember that? That was insane.

Chris Distefano (2:26)

100%, yeah. Tom is doing Season 2 of his Netflix show, coming up with new ways to shit his pants, and Bert has a multi-cam sitcom on that it's, I don't know what's going to happen with that, so that's just crazy.

Stavros Halkias (2:40)

That's true, they have found their ladders out. They're trying to climb out of podcasting with sitcoms and movies, and basically we're keeping the seat warm in case those both fail.

Chris Distefano (2:52)

Exactly.

Stavros Halkias (2:53)

If those shows are successful, this show is done and you guys know it.

Chris Distefano (2:56)

Now we're going to actively, what we're going to try to actively do over the next four weeks is try not to get invited back for Spring Bears. So we're going to do what we can here.

Stavros Halkias (3:10)

Will it be possible? I don't know.

Chris Distefano (3:12)

I don't know.

Stavros Halkias (3:13)

We're going to try.

Chris Distefano (3:13)

We're going to try. You know, Joke World will do what he can to interview us and tell the fans it's a good thing and you know, and so, but the honest God is we're trying here. We're here with the Winter Bears. Now what I do like about this, what is positive about this is you and I, we don't see each other much.

Stavros Halkias (3:30)

We don't. This is a great opportunity to catch up.

Chris Distefano (3:32)

This is a great chance for us to hang, you know, we were both talking about having our breakfast and we're both talking about how we need to really, you know, get our health together. You got a lot of, you have a lot of stuff coming up and I was like, I want to get my health together for my kids as we're both eating bacon, egg and cheeses in their left hand and muffins with our right.