The Oral Sex Skill Nobody Teaches

Emily Morse (0:00)

One question I'm asked all the time is, Emily, what products do you actually recommend? And that's exactly why we created Shop Sex With Emily. Every product in the shop is something my team and I personally researched and tested or recommended because we genuinely believe it can help you have better sex, stronger intimacy, and just more confidence in the bedroom. Whether you're shopping for yourself, your partner, or both of you, we've made it easy to find products that actually work. Head to shopsexwithemily.com and discover your next favorite bedroom essential. Hey, everyone, welcome to Sex With Emily. I'm Dr. Emily Morse, and my mission is to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. Whether you're looking to improve your relationships, have better communication, explore your desires, or simply have your best sex ever, you are in the right place. Before we jump in, make sure you're following me everywhere. It's at Sex With Emily on Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, Facebook, for even more sex and relationship advice, and more resources, go to sexwithemily.com. Sign up for my free weekly newsletter. I hear I give really good newsletter. Shop my curated sexual wellness products and picks at shopsexwithemily.com and explore hundreds of articles, download free guides, and everything you need to have the best sex ever. And one more thing, I'm taking Sex With Emily on the road. My new live show, The Best Sex Ever Tour, is coming to cities across the country. It's basically live coaching meets comedy meets audience Q&A, and we are getting into it. There has been magic happening in these rooms. You just have to come experience it. There's real conversations about sex and dating and relationships, and we become very close by the end of the night. Visit sexwithemily.com/events for dates and tickets. And thanks for listening or watching and for being here. And thanks for prioritizing your pleasure. All right, everyone, enjoy this episode. The Oral Sex Skill Nobody Teaches The oral sex skill nobody teaches. All right, everyone wants me to give them the move, the tongue trick, the perfect speed, the thing that supposedly makes someone orgasm every single time. And yes, for decades, we've been told, just spell the alphabet with your tongue. And it's like, by the time you get to cue, nobody knows what's happening anymore. And also, who's alphabet? Because there is no secret oral sex move that works on every body. Promise. The skill that actually makes someone incredible at oral sex?

Paying attention.

I know, not as exciting as me standing at a whiteboard drawing tongue formations. But today, I'm giving you something much more useful, the oral sex feedback loop.

Start slow, read the body, follow the yes, and then talk about it. Four things you can actually do to get out of performance mode and figure out what feels good to the person you're with. Because great oral sex isn't something you do to somebody, it's something you create with them. That's a huge distinction. You're not just giving it, you're also receiving something, their energy, your end of relationship with the oral together. I'm Dr. Emily Morse, I have a doctorate in human sexuality, and I've hosted one of the biggest sex and relationship podcasts in the world for over 20 years. It's called Sex With Emily. So, let's start with number one.

Start slow. Start way slower than you think you need to. I know, not the groundbreaking oral sex hack you came here for, but one of the biggest mistakes you will make is arriving at the general is like, they're already like 20 minutes late to the scene. Like, we're at a 10, and our body's like, hi, we just met. What is happening here? Give the body a minute to arrive. You want to kiss, you want to touch, you want to tease, you want to build anticipation. You don't have to show up with your 10 step routine like you're competing for the oral sex Olympics. Like, nobody's like holding up scorecards. I think this happens, especially when someone finally learns like, oh, the clitoris is really important. You know, yes, we did it. We found the clitoris. Now, calm down, everybody. Finding it doesn't mean you immediately start attacking it. Like, you're trying to like erase the stain, you know, like, start a loud mower. Like, the clitoris can be incredibly sensitive, and sometimes touching around it first feels amazing and not going right for it. And sometimes lighter pressure feels better. Sometimes you gradually build intensity as arousal builds, because more intensity does not automatically mean more pleasure.

Porn has not exactly helped us here. Porn is entertainment. It's made for a camera and for people to watch. And so everything tends to get bigger, harder, faster, louder, until apparently somebody has achieved maximum sex. Real bodies don't necessarily work like that. Sometimes harder feels incredible, and sometimes it's like, step away from the clitoris, please, sir. Like, what are you doing? Arousal usually needs a runway.