the need to be understood

Ally Yost (0:00)

Hello, everybody. Welcome to another episode of Christ With Coffee On Ice. I am your host, Ally Yost. It is a joy and honor to be here with you guys today.

Happy day, everybody. Is it Wednesday?

Yes, it is Wednesday.

Guys, we're back, okay? Not only are we back on another Wednesday, but we are back with our pumpkin spice coffees. Oh my gosh, it's officially that time of the year. I made mine very light today. She is very blonde.

We've got Jesus on the back. These are our glass tumblers, by the way. They are available if you would like to match with me. I have the white, we have the white font, and then we also have it in black. I have both because I couldn't decide.

Naturally, I think I'm just supposed to have everything.

But yeah, I put my pumpkin spice creamer in here, and I'm freaking out.

Oh, oh! Okay, can I also share something with you guys?

Depending on where you are in the world, slash also country, there is a grocery store called Sprouts.

We've got those out here in Southern California. I don't know how far spread they are, but they have these yogurt covered pretzels, but they are pumpkin spice. Oh my gosh, oh my gosh. They have changed my life.

They have single-handedly, aside from Jesus Christ, the Trinity, Holy Spirit and Father, have changed my life. Oh my gosh. They're so good, I have to actually limit myself though to only having like three or four a day because I will eat all of them.

And that's just too much sugar for one day. Don't do all that, Ally. The ingredients aren't too bad, but like, you know, they're sugary. It's like a sweet treat. It's a sweet treat with a little bit of salty because it's obviously a pretzel, but they are so insanely good. Okay, so sprint and run to your nearest sprouts. This is not sponsored. I just love them. And get the pumpkin spiced yogurt covered pretzels. And it's the sprouts brand. So they're amazing. I had a few of those this morning with my breakfast. Literally, I wake up every morning and I'm like, those pretzels. So I don't even wait until the end of my day as like a dessert after dinner, which I wish I had more self-control to do that. But I, it is like actually my pregame to my breakfast. I will, I just have a few of those. I'm ready to take on the day.

Anyway, guys, what are you doing? Hey, what's up? What's going on? What's happening in your world? Listen, I'm gonna be honest.

I'm obsessed with today. I love that we're here right now. And you know what's funny about that is that there was a version of me just an hour ago that wasn't super excited about today. Whatever. This is why God tells us to not lean on our own understanding or our own feelings because they're so fleeting. One minute you really wanna take a nap and you're like, no, I don't wanna do this. And then the next minute you're like, wait, this isn't so bad. I can keep living. This is great.

Oh my gosh. Pick a side, Al.

But yeah, no, I actually, I am very excited for today. And I'm excited for today too because here's the thing. I, this podcast for me is just my digital diary at this point. Like I always wanna be honest with you guys about what I'm going through, but it also like genuinely, it just helps me be real. It helps me be honest. Is this my confessional? No.

That's not what this podcast is. But it kind of feels like that sometimes. I just wanna keep it real, okay? I don't want to pretend. I don't wanna perform. I don't wanna put on any kind of facade. And sometimes I fall to that where I'm like, oh, I better be what everyone needs me to be. And then I'm like, wait a minute, no. I think that is exhausting. And it's exhausted me before. Showing up and beep boop bopping and being like this monkey, a circus monkey and being whatever I feel like everyone needs me to be. My therapist has called me a raging codependent. So that's just the codependency that comes out of me sometimes. But you wanna know what's really cool guys, is I obviously have recognized the patterns in myself of how I can be a codependent. Some people like to say a people pleaser. Is that a people pleaser? I just want to make sure everyone's okay.

Like it's almost like a quote selflessness that's gone so far that now I actually am being very prideful and selfish because I'm just looking at myself. But in looking at myself, I'm like, I just want to make sure everyone else is okay. But it's twisted. But I recognize daily, guys, it's all the time too. I almost feel like a recovering addict in a way where it's like, oh my gosh, I'm doing it again. Oh my gosh. But at least I have the awareness, you know? And then I kind of like, I pull myself back and I'm like, nope, just be literally, authentically, whoever, just be you right now, Al. You don't need to like put on a specific face or show. I'm also just so terrified of hurting people and disappointing them. Why?