The End Of Humanity

Bert Kreischer (0:00)

100%. New episode of 2 Bears 1 Cave, Tommy. I have my first threesome.

Tom Segura (0:08)

One Cave.

Bert Kreischer (0:09)

One Cave, what did I say?

Tom Segura (0:10)

One Cave.

SPEAKER_4 (0:10)

God damn it.

Bert Kreischer (0:12)

Three K's. I have my first threesome.

Tom Segura (0:15)

Nice.

SPEAKER_4 (0:16)

Yes.

Tom Segura (0:17)

Where was it?

Bert Kreischer (0:18)

In my bedroom.

Tom Segura (0:19)

What's his, what are their names?

Bert Kreischer (0:22)

I didn't get their names. Oh, good. It was on Oculus.

Tom Segura (0:24)

Oh, fuck yeah.

Bert Kreischer (0:25)

Yes. Let me tell you. Oh, well, I mean, yeah, it's hard to go back to one person.

Tom Segura (0:30)

I know, dude.

Bert Kreischer (0:32)

I didn't do enough of a deep dive.

Tom Segura (0:34)

My son got a VR headset and I was like, let me show you the best site. It was awesome.

Bert Kreischer (0:39)

Dude, this, this takes a part of your soul.

Tom Segura (0:43)

It's crazy. It's this shit too, right? When you're like, dude.

Bert Kreischer (0:48)

I was in a fysom. So Leanne went out of town. And I've never been able to use the Oculus. I'm afraid someone's going to walk into me like a blind person, and jacking off just in their room. And someone's like, he gets done, and everyone just claps. And so Leanne goes out of town for two days. So I run over to the bus, I grab the Oculus. I race home. I mean, I'm like charging them in the car.

SPEAKER_4 (1:10)

Yeah.

Bert Kreischer (1:13)

Fucking throw them on. Yeah. One girl, just me and this chick. Yeah. And I was quick. I'm not, I was, I was, it was, it was good. And then I was like, I'm going to, I'm going to probably fuck her again tonight. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And so I, I get later that night, I'm like in bed and I'm like, might as well, no, no, no. I started watching, it was, I think it was Saturday and there was some football going on on Sunday and it's raining and it's beautiful. And then I go, I should explore these Oculus. So I go and get this thing, it's called Brink and you can travel the world. And I'm like, oh cool. But then I'm sitting at the Corona arch in, in, in the Mojave Desert. I'm going, I should have someone sucking my dick while I'm here.

Tom Segura (1:48)

Yeah, for sure.

Bert Kreischer (1:48)

Like what am I having? Why isn't someone sucking my dick? Yeah. If it's there, I want my dick sucked.

Tom Segura (1:53)

Do you have, do you do the dual screen where like you see the desert and then the Blojav's over here?

Bert Kreischer (1:57)

Tommy?

Tom Segura (1:58)

Yeah.

Bert Kreischer (1:58)

I was, this is how bad I got. I got the screen where you can see reality. I can see the screen. I'm watching football and there's a chick, fucking another chick in the corner of my house, on the dog bed. And I'm just sitting here going, this is, fuck.

Tom Segura (2:12)

You know that this is the end of humanity.

Bert Kreischer (2:13)

It is the end of humanity.

Tom Segura (2:15)

We're definitely about to just, it's all about to end.

Bert Kreischer (2:18)

And so then, and then the fucking, the devil's tongue was, I get my first, it was a twosome. And then I was like, No, threesome, threesome. Okay, oh, I got to seven people. Wow. I was a DJ, it was an Airbnb, and they didn't want to lose their deposit. And they were like, we have an extra day, you should hang out with us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh my God.

Tom Segura (2:39)

That's a good story.

Bert Kreischer (2:40)

Dude, it got, those girls should be getting stock in the company because they're giving away a part of their soul forever.

Tom Segura (2:49)

Yeah.

Bert Kreischer (2:50)

They're, they are different than porn stars. They're losing their humanity.

Tom Segura (2:55)

They. This is really going to help them.

Bert Kreischer (2:59)

No, I'm being serious. If you are a VR girl, I have some tips. There's one girl.

Tom Segura (3:03)

Yeah.

Bert Kreischer (3:04)

She gets on top of me. She's got her two friends are working my nipples.

Tom Segura (3:07)

That's nice.

Bert Kreischer (3:08)

Right? She's on top of me, a friend's making out with her. Another girl's playing with her tits and she, she's got red hair and she looks at me and she goes, look me in the eyes when you fuck me. And I look up and I'm staring in her eyes, Tom, and I, and I said out loud, is this real? So I had like, I had like fucking about nine orgy. I was texting you the whole time. I just got done an orgy.