Take The First Step Toward the Life You Want

**Rachel Cruze** (0:30)
We're answering your questions, so give us a call at 888-825-5225.
And we're here to help you about your life and your money. All right, starting us off this hour, we have James in Toronto, Canada. Hi James, welcome to the show.

**SPEAKER_2** (0:46)
Hi Rachel, how are you?

**Rachel Cruze** (0:47)
Hi, we're doing great. How can we help?

**SPEAKER_2** (0:50)
Just so, I had a question for you guys. I'm 26, and I'm proposing on Tuesday this coming week.

**SPEAKER_3** (0:58)
Yeah, dude.

**Rachel Cruze** (0:59)
Congratulations, James.
Way to do it, good for you. I feel like we get so many calls of people and we're like, listen, are you gonna get engaged? You gonna get married? You're doing it, James, we're proud of you.

**John Delony** (1:09)
Does she know it's coming?

**SPEAKER_2** (1:11)
No, but yes, it's not a complete surprise.
But yeah, so my question is, she comes from a quite well-to-do background, and honestly, so do I, but we're going through a transition in the short future of being a consumerist kids and moving into a more productive adult phase of life. And I've, in the last two years, started a business and been doing pretty well. And she, once again, it comes from a good financial background, but makes about 20,000 a year and is living paycheck to paycheck from that end of things. So I'm more wondering how to be productive, as I know money can be a stressful issue for all people, let alone brand new couples, and how to be productive and move towards a financial path together and successfully.

**Rachel Cruze** (2:08)
Are her parents giving her money, James? I'm just curious how she's living off $20,000.

**SPEAKER_2** (2:14)
Absolutely. Yeah. No, that's like a lifestyle budget.

**SPEAKER_5** (2:17)
Okay.

**SPEAKER_2** (2:18)
There's nothing productive of that.

**Rachel Cruze** (2:20)
What's the terms you guys have talked about once you get married? Are the parents still going to be giving you guys money as a married couple, or are they cutting her off once she gets married?

**SPEAKER_2** (2:31)
Great question. I actually, we haven't had that conversation. Her parents are very loving people. I'm sure there will always be a little bit of a tap from there.
But both of us are on the same page about wanting our own financial future, not living off the backs of people before us.

**John Delony** (2:50)
I think y'all should break up. I'm totally kidding. I'm kidding.

**SPEAKER_5** (2:52)
Oh my gosh, John. I was just kidding.

**Rachel Cruze** (2:54)
I was like, that was not my advice.

**SPEAKER_5** (2:57)
No, I'm totally pulling, man.

**John Delony** (3:00)
I think you have to, it's important for you to identify the thing beneath the thing, beneath the thing for yourself.
And it's important for you to communicate that in as compassionately and clearly as possible. And here's an example.
It's easy to talk about how much money she does or doesn't make. It's easy to talk about how much money her parents just send her every month. And it's easy to, you're a very kind person. I can tell by how you talk about people when they're not in the room. And so the way you talk about her parents and your parents and her, that's all great. But beneath the thing, beneath the thing, beneath the thing is, if you're feeling, I want you and me to be responsible for our future. And when you take money from your parents, sometimes it comes with strings or it comes with, and you're going to come to our house for this holiday. And I want us to decide what we want to do for holidays moving forward. So it's you getting beneath the money, beneath the differences and be honest with yourself about what you want as you co-create this new world with her. And then have that conversation because otherwise it just becomes a fight about how much money they spent and how many hours are you working. And we don't need to do this. But the real issue is I don't feel like we're, I feel like we have a partnership of three, me and you and your parents. Or I feel like I'm one of the decision makers along with your dad still. And so it's getting to that honest sense inside your chest and being honest and telling her about it.

**Rachel Cruze** (4:29)
And I do think there's something really wise and pretty necessary, especially at the beginning of marriage, that you guys create your life.
And that's from a financial aspect, spiritual, emotional, like there is something true about, I'm leaving this family, I'm creating my own over here. And I would think, James, for you, the sense of dignity to say, yes, this is our family, our nuclear family right here, me and her, and then maybe in the future kids. And here's how we choose to live life and how we make decisions with money. And creating a baseline for you all, I think is really important just to give you guys the structure and the self-control to say, yeah, we can create a life together and we can have boundaries with money and limits with money versus it being endless. And there's something in that sacrifice and having to make those decisions of, okay, we have to either do this or this, we don't get to do both. Like, I don't know, in all of that, in a relationship, like that to me, that's the foundation of building something. And then later on, like we talk about on the show, changing your family tree, right? And that can look a million different ways for different people.