Should You See the "New" Spider-Man Movie?

**Matt Walsh** (0:00)
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As you may have heard, a new Spider-Man film was released last week. The movie has crushed box office records, already raking in something like, though I haven't Googled this, $40 trillion in its first week, I think it was. Spider-Man has earned more money in a week than the GDP of every Sub-Saharan African country combined, or close enough. It would appear, sadly, that the reports of the death of the superhero genre were premature, a case of wishful thinking. At least they were wishful thinking if you heard those reports on normally reliable podcasts such as, I don't know, The Matt Walsh Show. Now, this latest film is the fourth in the Tom Holland series of Spider-Man films. The first three in that series, and I did Google this, were called Spider-Man Homecoming, Spider-Man Far From Home, and Spider-Man No Way Home. This latest iteration is Spider-Man Brand New Day. Now, if you're wondering what makes this movie brand new, the answer is not much, except that it's the first Tom Holland Spider-Man film to not have the word home in it. That marks the first and as it turns out, only creative risk this movie will make. It's important that you don't confuse these four Spider-Man films with the Andrew Garfield Spider-Man series or the Tobey Maguire Spider-Man series before that. Peter one, Peter two, Peter three. Every about nine and a half years, in accordance with the prophecies, Hollywood executives go out and recruit the blandest actor between the ages of 21 and 32 to become the next Spider-Man. And rather than building on the work of the previous Spider-Man, they tear the whole Spider edifice down and start from scratch, telling the entire story over again from the beginning. The upshot is that the origin story of Spider-Man has been told and told again and then told again. Jesus Christ only got two accounts of his origin story, the infancy narratives in Matthew and Luke. Spider-Man has had at least three this century alone. Okay, that seems disproportionate if you ask me, which you didn't. Now, you might be wondering why I'm talking about any of this. My antipathy for superhero movies is well established. And yet today, speaking of things nobody asked for or wants, I'm going to offer my review of the latest Spider-Man film. And I'm going to review this film because I saw this film and my suffering must mean something. As the old influencer mantra goes, if you can't at least get some content out of it, then what the hell is the point?
Yes, I went and saw the new Spider-Man movie on opening night. I waded through the throngs of Spider-Man super fans, many of them wearing Spider-Man apparel or even full Spider-Man suits. These were grown adults, by the way. I had not felt so out of place somewhere since I went to the Women's March in 2022, but the latter was a scene from my documentary, What is a Woman? It's a better movie, by the way. It was a sacrifice I had to make for the art. The trip to the movie theater last Friday was a sacrifice I made for love. Not love of Spider-Man, but love of my wife, who for some reason really wanted to see the new Spider-Man movie. Now we've been married for 15 years. I had no idea that she's been a Spider-Man fan this entire time. She has kept that part of her life hidden, locked away in the deep recesses of her heart. And I wish it had stayed there. But last week, her Spider-Man fandom came floating suddenly to the surface like some kind of dying creature from the depths of the sea. She requested out of nowhere that we spend our one precious date night of the week watching this movie.