Should I Attend THAT Wedding?

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When we are seeking to push back against such overwhelming odds, it's easy to, I think, flail in every direction, but I think it requires a focused response. I would argue, the parish and then the homily are two places where we can have real focused response. We can focus on those who are getting to mass on Sunday and speak to them beautifully and persuasively about the great good of the married life, and share stories of great testimonies of love and fidelity, and helping our young people to aspire to it, right?

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Drew Mariani (1:01)

Yeah, that was the voice of JB DeKantz, former guest on the show speaking to Inside the Vatican about the importance of preaching, about the goodness of marriage. It's good to be with you today. Thought we'd talk about this today. It's that time of year, September, October. There's some December weddings. They're always very beautiful. People get married at that point in time. And before you know it, spring's rolling around and you're being invited to another wedding. You open that mailbox, there's that wedding invitation. You might be getting some right now for those May weddings. You know, save the dates are out. And ordinarily, I think this is great news, right? Somebody you love, somebody you know is getting married, it's time to celebrate. You go to the church, you watch them exchange vows, you raise the glass at the reception. But let me ask you this question, and we'll talk about it. I want to hear your experiences, too. What happens when you know there's a problem with the marriage? So what do I mean by that? Well, here's an example. Maybe you're Catholic.

Maybe your Catholic son or your Catholic daughter has decided to marry outside the church without receiving the necessary permission or dispensation. Maybe they say, you know, we're going to go to the islands and get married, or we're going to go on a cruise, or we want to be married in the park, or whatever it may be, right? Maybe one of the people getting married was previously married and hasn't received the Declaration of Nullity. They haven't get their annulment. We just finished talking a little bit about that. Or maybe it's something else. Maybe your child has a same-sex partner, right? You love your child. Maybe you love the partner, too, right?

Should you go to the same-sex so-called wedding?

So all of a sudden, these situations become invitations of... Well, they become, let me phrase it this way, they become a question of conscience, really. And I came across an article that was written by Monsignor Charles Pope. He addressed precisely these kinds of situations. He wrote it in our Sunday Visitor, and maybe I'll link over to it in our show notes. If you want to read about this, maybe you're going to throw it. And one reader had written to him, they were, I think, a fallen-away Catholic, or they wrote to him about a fallen-away Catholic relative, if I remember correctly. And this person was cohabitating with his girlfriend, and they were planning to marry outside the Catholic Church, and the reader decided to attend the family brunch, but quietly excused himself from the wedding itself. And Monsignor said, you know what? That was a commendable approach. It was appropriate. But then he explained something that's really important, I think, for all of us to understand. And we'll break all this down. We'll talk about this. He said, the general norm is that Catholics should not attend weddings of Catholics that are celebrated outside the church when the marriage is invalid, or the wedding's invalid for other serious reasons. So that raises a big question, especially when it comes to your own loved ones. Maybe it's your niece, your nephew, maybe it's your grandson, granddaughter, maybe it's your son or your daughter, your sibling, your brother, your sister. What do you do? Is that going to create problems? Will your child say, I'm not going to talk to you if you do this? How can you not do that? I'll never forgive you.

What message does it send when you go there?

Now, and I've heard both sides of the argument. I've heard people say, I will not attend my child's wedding. Who does this? And then I hear others, I've heard many priests say, it's important to let your child know where you stand when it comes to marriage. But you don't want to rupture the relationship. What good is breaking that family relationship? You want to be a witness to love and to marriage and have an opportunity to dialogue. Because you're not merely sitting in an auditorium watching an event. When you go to a wedding, it's intimate. It's actually, you're there as a witness. And your presence normally sends a message, communicates, I'm happy for you. I'm celebrating with you. I recognize what's happening here. I'm celebrating this union with you. That's what you say. So it's difficult for parents. It really is. When there are children today who have left the church, are deciding to get married outside the church. And the church teaches that marriage isn't valid. You know, I should say, if the church teaches that marriage is invalid, then your presence could create confusion. So, what do you do with that? So let's talk to Monsignor Pope about it. Again, maybe you're going through this. If you want to join us, the number is 8888-914-9149.