See ya at the Border Bash!

Nick Born (0:16)

Yeah, once in a while, Josh. Every once in a while, F-Off Day comes early. Welcome, folks, to the Half-Assed Morning Show. Today, we'll go into the official record books as our final final, at least as far as morning broadcasts go. As we've mentioned once or twice tomorrow, we'll be taking a crack at the very first afternoon edition of the Half-Assed Morning Show, live from St. Croix Casino Turtle Lake, all part of our fifth annual Border Bash Alcohol and Gambling Showdown.

If you listen tomorrow at this time, you'll hear some hastily put together highlight show that nobody cares about. We'll all be sound asleep, readying ourselves for our trip to Wisconsin.

The afternoon show starts at 3 o'clock. So that's our sitch, Josh.

Josh Bitney (1:20)

My plan is to get turnt.

I'm going to get turnt starting at 2.30, and I'll be turnt all the way through until 7 Then I'll start regretting things at 7.02.

Dana Wessel (1:29)

Turnt on what?

Nick Born (1:31)

I don't know.

Josh Bitney (1:31)

That's what I got to figure out.

Nick Born (1:32)

I'd love to see it happen.

Dana Wessel (1:34)

Me too.

Nick Born (1:34)

Although, it's not always so enjoyable for me personally when Josh gets drunk.

Josh Bitney (1:40)

Oh, you like it a little bit.

Nick Born (1:41)

Because of the touching. Lots of touching, lots of emotion.

Dana Wessel (1:45)

Lap sitting. Some lap sitting.

Nick Born (1:48)

There have been episodes where he has...

Josh Bitney (1:50)

Never spider.

Nick Born (1:51)

rested himself on my lap.

But that was years ago. I would love to see you get hammered.

Josh Bitney (2:00)

What time do you start? So I probably wouldn't want to start too early.

SPEAKER_5 (2:04)

Totally hammered.

Josh Bitney (2:04)

So I'm annihilated by three or whenever we're supposed to start the show.

Nick Born (2:09)

What time should you start?

SPEAKER_5 (2:10)

Yeah, when do I start?

Josh Bitney (2:11)

Do I start during the show? That's probably a better idea.

Nick Born (2:14)

You kind of remind me of my buddy Wang at times. Wang does this to me every once in a while when we're out drinking. He'll...

And he always likes to drive. He does. There's something about Wang. He feels right at home behind the wheel. He's not nearly the skilled driver that you are, Josh, but he likes to drive. But he'll do this to me at the bar. He'll say, I've had three beers.

How many more do you think I can have? And still drive? And I'd say, I usually say, isn't that a question that only you can answer, Wang? He asks me, how many beers can I have? I'm like, well, I don't know your tolerance. I don't know. So Josh, only you can answer that question. When should you start drinking?

Josh Bitney (3:05)

Oh, I got a guy for that.

You're my guy who I tell how I feel. It's tough for me to express my feelings when sober.

Nick Born (3:12)

So you're saying you have a drinking coach?

Josh Bitney (3:14)

Yeah. So you, I like to tell when I'm going to drink, mostly the guilt, just to hope you'll send something back saying, hey, that's cool.

You should have one. But my brother is a police officer, so I'll say, hey, I had half an appletini. Am I good to drive in two hours? So I'll ask him that kind of question.

Nick Born (3:33)

All right.

Well, I don't know if you're blowing smoke up her ass or what. But as much as it becomes a little bit of a pain in the ass for me personally when you get drunk, I would still love to see it.

Josh Bitney (3:47)

Yeah, I'm not going to be drunk tomorrow, I don't think. You know why? I'm going to get high.

Dana Wessel (3:52)

Oh, hell yeah.

SPEAKER_7 (3:53)

Now we're talking.

Nick Born (3:54)

Stop doing this to us.

Josh Bitney (3:55)

I don't have a guy for that, though.

SPEAKER_7 (3:57)

Or a gal.

Nick Born (3:58)

Well, there's going to be plenty of marijuana tomorrow at the casino. I'm sure we could easily find you some.

SPEAKER_7 (4:04)

I hope not.

Josh Bitney (4:05)

What's the rules in Wisconsin? Never mind, I don't even know what the rules are. I couldn't even tell you what's going on here.

Nick Born (4:11)

Stop teasing us now with this, I'm going to get drunk, I'm going to get high. Now, what are you going to do?

Josh Bitney (4:16)

Oh, probably just drink a lot of caffeine.

SPEAKER_7 (4:20)

Try and be a gracious host.

Josh Bitney (4:24)