Season 6, Ep 8 - Dripfang at Court (w/ Kevin Sciretta)

SPEAKER_1 (0:00)

Shaq here, what's it like to buy a car from Carvana 100% online and get it delivered to your door? Let me tell you. Your car is here, Mr. Shaq. Thank you, Mr. Carvana guy. Can't wait to take it for a spin. Only the best for you, Mr. Shaq. Hey, have you always been so big, tall and handsome? Not always. I was 6'10 once. Seven days delivered or returned, Mr. Shaq? Not that I would. You never do.

No, I never do. So buy your car today on Carvana. Delivery fees may apply. See our seven-day return policy at caravana.com.

Adal Rifai (0:35)

People of Earth, the following podcast is not real. And within that not real context, you may remember that I run a small shop, Bitsy's Bits and Bangles in Hog's Face. Lord knows I don't remember it sometimes. But for any residents of Hog's Face who might be listening, yes, I am nearly done with my autumn display windows. I'm aware many of you have come to be quite invested in them. It's just taken me a little longer than expected to create a convincing tableau of the residents of the universe not worrying about portals and interdimensional travel, all done with dried carnations. I may have overstepped and might have to fall back on my old standard. Taxidermy cats act out the plot of the Telltale Heart. I hate to resort to fan service, but the masses like what they like. In the meantime, sit back and enjoy the show.

Arnie Niekamp (1:46)

Hello from the... Mondo.

Mondo, you got away from me to finish the intro. I get it, you're eager to get in there. Hello from the Magic Tavern.

Okay, we'll work on it. A weekly podcast from the Magical Land of Foon. I'm your host, Arnie Niekamp. If you've never listened to the podcast before, this is everything you need to know. Over 11 and a half years ago, I fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King in Chicago into the magical, fantastical land of Foon. Luckily, I'm still getting a Wi-Fi signal through the dimensional rift, and I used that to upload a podcast recorded here in the King's Court, where I am accidentally happened to have become King of the Northeast in Castle Belaroth in the magical land of Foon. And I am joined, as always, by my co-host, he's head of the King's Guard, he's an adorable little badger, Chump the Talking Badger. Crown off, King.

Matt Young (2:37)

How are you doing, buddy? Crown off, King. Crown off, King.

Arnie Niekamp (2:38)

How are you? Arnie, I am over the moon.

Kevin Sciretta (2:42)

Oh, don't say that in front of me, sorry.

Matt Young (2:44)

For the moon?

Arnie Niekamp (2:45)

Oh, shit.

Matt Young (2:46)

Oh, how exciting. For I have come up with yet another scheme to achieve my goal this season of reaching the moon.

Arnie Niekamp (2:56)

Oh, what's the new scheme?

Matt Young (2:58)

Well, this week, I have spoken, spread the word to all the butterflies and all of Foon. And I believe if I can get them to coordinate them, to flap their wings all at once, I'll go flying into the sky towards the moon.

Arnie Niekamp (3:17)

Can't you fly?

Matt Young (3:19)

Oh yeah, I can fly.

Arnie Niekamp (3:20)

Yeah. So you're like, I want to get to the moon. I know who could help me, butterflies.

Matt Young (3:25)

Hell yeah. Well, not Arnie. It's not a butterfly or even a murder of butterflies. It's all of the butterflies and Foon.

Arnie Niekamp (3:34)

Why not moths? Oh, Arnie, sore subject.

Matt Young (3:38)

You mean dirty butterflies? No, thank you.

Arnie Niekamp (3:43)

Okay. Yeah, kill a cockroach and you're a hero, crush a butterfly and you're a monster. What are we doing?

Matt Young (3:50)

I'm sorry, Chunt, I interrupted. I was so excited about that.

Arnie Niekamp (3:52)

No, no.

Kevin Sciretta (3:53)

Why aren't you over the moon?

Adal Rifai (3:54)

Well, the moon?

SPEAKER_1 (3:56)

God damn it.

Arnie Niekamp (3:58)

God, this is damn it. You search a quick pro tip because I've been on this path before.

You also need to ask most of the caterpillars because daily, my dude, daily they are changing into butterflies.

Matt Young (4:11)

Good thinking. I'll start writing notes right now.

Arnie Niekamp (4:15)

Yeah, get those voters early. Arnie, I'm over the moon because I have the moon.

Matt Young (4:20)

Damn it. What? I'm sorry. I was writing notes. Did you say something about the moon?

Arnie Niekamp (4:25)

I said I'm over your mom.

Kevin Sciretta (4:27)

Yeah. Don't hit me.

Arnie Niekamp (4:31)