Science of Social Bonding in Family, Friendship & Romantic Love

**Andrew D. Huberman** (0:00)
Welcome to the Huberman Lab podcast, where we discuss science and science-based tools for everyday life.
I'm Andrew Huberman, and I'm a professor of neurobiology and ophthalmology at Stanford School of Medicine. Today's episode is about the biology, psychology and practices of social bonding. From the day we are born until the day we die, the quality of our social bonds dictates much of our quality of life. It should therefore be no surprise that our brain and indeed much of our entire nervous system is wired for social bonds. Now, social bonds occur between infant and parent. There are even particular wiring diagrams within the brain and spinal cord and body that are oriented towards the specific bonds that occur between infant and mother, as well as infant and father. And we have specific brain circuitries for friendship, specific brain circuitries that are activated in romantic relationships. And as it goes, specific brain circuitries that are activated when we break up with a romantic partner or when they break up with us or when somebody passes away, moves away or otherwise leaves our lives in one form or another. Today, we are going to talk about those brain and nervous system circuitries. We're also going to talk about the neurochemicals and hormones that underlie their function. And we are going to touch on a number of important and actionable tools that you can apply in everyday life. And because we are headed into the holiday, the New Year's and Christmas holiday, that you can deploy in your various interactions with family members and friends. And should you not be spending time with family members and friends today, we are also going to talk about how to achieve social bonds out of the context of family and romantic partnership and friendship. So today's episode is going to include a lot of science, a lot of actionable tools, and I'm confident that you will come away from today's episode with tremendous knowledge about how you function. For instance, if you're an introvert or an extrovert, why is that? Turns out there may be a neurochemical basis for that. Maybe you're somebody that really enjoys social media. Maybe you're somebody that doesn't. Today, I'm going to talk about a gene or a set of genes that predicts whether or not you will follow more people or seek out more online social interactions or fewer. Believe it or not, there's biology around that now and it's excellent peer-reviewed work. We will also talk about how bonds are broken and why breakups can be so painful, not just romantic breakups, but breakups with friendships and coworkers and how to move through those more seamlessly. So regardless of your age and regardless of whether or not you are in a romantic partnership of one form or another or not, I do believe this episode will be useful to you as you explore the social bonds that already exist in your life and as you seek out new and changing social bonds. Before we begin, I'd like to emphasize that this podcast is separate from my teaching and research roles at Stanford. It is, however, part of my desire and effort to bring zero cost to consumer information about science and science-related tools to the general public. In keeping with that theme, I'd like to thank the sponsors of today's podcast. Our first sponsor is Athletic Greens. Athletic Greens is an all-in-one vitamin mineral probiotic drink. I've been taking Athletic Greens since 2012, so I'm delighted that they're sponsoring the podcast. The reason I started taking Athletic Greens and the reason I still take Athletic Greens once or twice a day is that it helps me cover all of my basic nutritional needs. It makes up for any deficiencies that I might have. In addition, it has probiotics, which are vital for microbiome health. I've done a couple of episodes now on the so-called gut microbiome and the ways in which the microbiome interacts with your immune system, with your brain to regulate mood, and essentially with every biological system relevant to health throughout your brain and body. With Athletic Greens, I get the vitamins I need, the minerals I need and the probiotics to support my microbiome. If you'd like to try Athletic Greens, you can go to athleticgreens.com/huberman and claim a special offer. They'll give you five free travel packs plus a year's supply of vitamin D3K2. There are a ton of data now showing that vitamin D3 is essential for various aspects of our brain and body health. Even if we're getting a lot of sunshine, many of us are still deficient in vitamin D3. And K2 is also important because it regulates things like cardiovascular function, calcium in the body, and so on. again, go to athleticgreens.com/huberman to claim the special offer of the five free travel packs and the year's supply of vitamin D3K2. Today's episode is also brought to us by Element. Element is an electrolyte drink that has everything you need and nothing you don't. That means the exact ratios of electrolytes are an element, and those are sodium, magnesium and potassium, but it has no sugar. I've talked many times before on this podcast about the key role of hydration and electrolytes for nerve cell function, neuron function, as well as the function of all the cells and all the tissues and organ systems of the body. If we have sodium, magnesium and potassium present in the proper ratios, all of those cells function properly and all our bodily systems can be optimized. If the electrolytes are not present and if hydration is low, we simply can't think as well as we would otherwise. Our mood is off, hormone systems go off, our ability to get into physical action, to engage in endurance and strength and all sorts of other things is diminished. So with element, you can make sure that you're staying on top of your hydration and that you're getting the proper ratios of electrolytes. If you'd like to try element, you can go to drinkelement.lmnt.com/huberman and you'll get a free element sample pack with your purchase. They're all delicious. So again, if you want to try element, you can go to elementlmnt.com/huberman.