Sariah and Troy Davis: Finding Beauty After Divorce

Morgan Jones Pearson (0:00)

In the Gospel Topics Entry on Divorce on the Church's website, we read, When men and women marry, they make solemn covenants with each other and with God. Every effort should be made to keep these covenants and preserve marriage. When divorce occurs, individuals have the obligation to forgive, lift and help, rather than to condemn.

Because of the sensitivities surrounding divorce, this is a topic we haven't discussed much on this podcast, but it is one that as I prepared these last eight episodes, felt important to revisit. A native of Southern California, Troy Davis' professional life has taken him across the globe in technology leadership roles for the Church, including living in Ghana and leading technology in the Africa West area, being Director of Technology for the Missionary Department and recently serving as Chief Information Officer for BYU Pathway Worldwide. Troy is currently the Vice President of University Technology for Western Governors University. Sariah Stone Davis was born and raised in Houston, Texas. She is a certified mediator from the Center of Dispute Resolution in Santa Monica, California, and passionately advocates for mental and emotional health, especially for teenagers and young adults. She has been a keynote speaker for the Corporate Fundraising Department of Primary Children's Hospital and served on the Institutional Review Board of the University of Utah. In 2023, Sariah and Troy met, and after three long years of dating and 10 and a half breakups, they were married. The Davises are still newlyweds, blending a family of 10 children and two grandchildren.

This is All In, an LDS Living podcast where we ask the question, what does it really mean to be All In, the Gospel of Jesus Christ? I'm Maureen Pearson, and I am so honored to have Troy and Sariah Davis on the line with me today. Troy and Sariah, welcome.

Sariah Davis (2:07)

Thank you.

Troy Davis (2:08)

Thanks. It's great to be here. Yes.

Morgan Jones Pearson (2:10)

Well, I will tell those listening that I feel already like a great deal of appreciation to Troy and Sariah for their willingness to talk about a topic that I think we don't talk about enough.

There are several people close to me that are navigating divorce right now, and I think that it is something that is prevalent, but because of the delicate nature of the situation, a lot of times it just can probably feel very, very lonely. So I want to start out with, I think divorce is something that people never imagine themselves going through. Nobody gets married expecting to get divorced. So I wondered if you could talk a bit about how you felt in the midst of that situation, and in the immediate aftermath of your marriage dissolving.

Troy Davis (3:10)

Yes.

Divorce is devastating, like you said, Morgan. And for me, my divorce, it was just devastating. And as a member of the church, it hits hard in certain ways. And it's like there's a big D on your forehead, you're damaged, you're divorced. And there's a shame that sets in. And it is a extremely difficult situation to go through. And it's painful. You know, one way it showed up for me was for my particular situation, I had been serving as a bishop and when this divorce happened. And so one Sunday I'm sitting on the stand leading the congregation and then got released. And then the next Sunday, I'm sitting in the pews by myself. I was an empty nester at the time as well. And so that was a street filled extreme shame and felt just all of this, the staring and the weight of what I felt was judgment. Even though I didn't know that, it felt that way.

And I gained an appreciation very quickly for, I now understand why people who get divorced, a lot of them don't go back to church or don't go to church for a time, because it is so painful and there's such a feeling of shame in a church that values eternal marriage as it should. And as I still valued it, but I no longer have that marriage. And in my case, I did not want a divorce. And so, that was part of the pain as well.

Sariah Davis (4:51)

Yeah, I would agree.

My divorce was also very sad, very devastating. I think it's safe to say that divorce is sad and devastating for everyone. Whether they are the person seeking the divorce, whether they are the person wishing the marriage could continue, or even if both partners agree that there should be a divorce, it is an ending of a union that two people made together, like you said, never with the intent or the thought that the union would end. And even if it was a six-month union or a 35-year marriage, it is absolutely devastating because you feel like you have failed. You feel like the end of something is a failure. And you feel like you're broken, like how could anyone look at you the same? How can you look at yourself? How could you have worth, especially in a space where families and eternal families are so incredibly important?