Minisode: Getting Into Heaven with Chelsea + Catherine

Chelsea Handler (0:00)

Okay, Hi and Mighty Tour, guys, is continuing. Pittsburgh on October 9th, Toronto is October 10th, October 16th is Boise, Spokane is the 17th, then San Francisco, November 7th, and November 13th is Salt Lake. November 20th is Austin, then Houston, and then Irving. November 20th, November 21st, and November 22nd, I will be touring Texas. December 5th is Denver, December 6th, I'm shooting my special in Vancouver, Canada. I have two shows that night. There are tickets available for the second show.

Then I'm going to Palm Beach, Florida, December 16th, by popular demand. Then Hollywood, Florida, December 17th, and then two shows in Tampa, Florida on December 18th. So I will see you guys on the road. Come and see the High and Mighty Tour. I'll give you some LSD.

Okay. Hi, Catherine.

Catherine Law (0:56)

Hi, Chelsea.

Chelsea Handler (0:57)

Welcome to another mini-soda of Dear Chelsea from the Dear Chelsea Podcast Network.

Catherine Law (1:03)

How is Yamanika's podcast going, by the way?

Chelsea Handler (1:06)

Behind on about two episodes. But one episode, she was absolutely screaming, and I told her to shut the fuck up. I said, no one wants to turn on a podcast and hear you screaming.

So I told Sam, who's in charge of our podcast, to make sure someone's with her and keeps some sort of audio buzz that, when she hits a certain decibel, it beeps like a buzz collar, basically. Electrify. But it's pretty entertaining. Her podcast, you guys, if you haven't listened to it, You're the Problem with Yamanika, please listen to it because she is definitely the problem.

Catherine Law (1:47)

Well, I have an update from our Guy Branum episode of this podcast. This is Amber, and she had been wanting to propose to her girlfriend, but her girlfriend's parents weren't really supportive or her mom wasn't really supportive.

So she has an update. And her update is, Hi, ladies, this is Amber. I asked for some engagement advice a while back regarding unsupportive parents of the gays. I proposed I ended up taking your advice and just writing her mom a letter and having a chat with her dad who's a bit more welcoming. She said yes. Thank you for your support and your help through this process. I hope everything is going well on your end. Here are some pictures.

Chelsea Handler (2:24)

Oh, that's so sweet.

Catherine Law (2:27)

Like, are you kidding me?

Chelsea Handler (2:28)

Oh my God. I love lesbians. I know me too. I've had the most success on my dating app, my Instagram dating app with lesbians.

Catherine Law (2:36)

Yeah?

Chelsea Handler (2:36)

Yeah. There's like four couples that are together.

Catherine Law (2:39)

Really?

Chelsea Handler (2:40)

Yeah.

Catherine Law (2:40)

Do you know?

I'm sure you do know. Isn't it like if you have three people that you introduce who get married, it's a mitzvah?

Chelsea Handler (2:48)

Oh.

Catherine Law (2:48)

Like you're automatically in heaven or something?

Chelsea Handler (2:51)

Okay. Great. Well, then I already have that.

Catherine Law (2:53)

I'm sure.

Chelsea Handler (2:54)

I already, because you have to intentionally introduce them, or do they have to just meet through you?

Catherine Law (2:59)

I mean, meet through you, I think counts.

Chelsea Handler (3:00)

So, Karen and Micah, or one couple, they both met working for me. Yeah. Micah, Karen is my assistant and my executive, she's not just an assistant, she's way more than that.

She dated Micah, who was a cameraman on Chelsea lately.

And at the time, well, before that, he was dating my best friend and I came home from Africa once, and Karen's like, we need to talk. And I was like, what? And she's like, Micah and I are together. And I was like, well, there goes that friendship. And I knew my friend was going to blame me because they, and she did, totally, totally. But that's fine. No, but I've definitely had three people marry that have met through me. For sure. Well, you're in heaven then. And now with the dating thing, I mean, yeah, that's just- The shoe-in. Yeah, I should definitely be going to heaven.

Catherine Law (3:46)

We should probably look up the real rules on this one.

Chelsea Handler (3:48)

I do nice things for people all the time that nobody fucking knows about. I mean, I am exhausted by my own niceties.

Catherine Law (3:58)

Our caller today is Jamie. And her subject line is, My family's gossip network is stronger than my Wi-Fi.

Chelsea Handler (4:06)

Dear Chelsea. Are they Jewish?

Catherine Law (4:08)

No, Utah.

Chelsea Handler (4:09)

Utah, Mormon.

Catherine Law (4:10)

Yeah. Well, I don't know about Mormon, but I think, I mean, I assume so.