Live from the Rose Bowl | 2 Bears 5K

Tom Segura (0:00)

What's up? Are you in Austin? Are you visiting Austin? Do you live in Austin? Well, I welcome you to please come check out Ciccio Bomba. That is the Italian bakery that I have opened in Austin. We are now at three locations. We're at the Fairground Food Hall underneath the Wells Fargo Building downtown. We are in the lobby of the Scarborough Building, and we have our all new flagship location at 1100 South Lamar, right in front of the Alamo Drafthouse. We have pastries, we have coffee, we have homemade Italian sandwiches, we have pizza, we have pasta. So just come in, rub my big belly, it's in our statue, eat some food, and enjoy yourself. And I hope you have a good time at Chicha Bomba, which means a little fat ass.

Bert Kreischer (0:44)

100%. Hello everybody.

Tom Segura (0:51)

Hi everyone.

Bert Kreischer (0:54)

Oh this chair feels fucking nice.

Ari Shaffir (0:56)

Oh my god.

Bert Kreischer (0:57)

Did anyone else say the personal best today?

Is anyone down? Wait from the first time they ran it. They're out of breath.

Tom Segura (1:11)

Did anyone set a really crazy time on the first heat? Five minutes.

Bert Kreischer (1:16)

Yeah, 22 minutes. Personal best.

Tom Segura (1:20)

Wow.

Bert Kreischer (1:21)

Just shy of a 5k.

Tom Segura (1:25)

Thank you guys for coming out. Give yourselves a round of applause. Thank you for being here. Everybody.

Bert Kreischer (1:32)

This is a live podcast. We have a bunch of comedians. We're going to bring them up in and out. My name's Bert. This is Tom and we are live at the Rose bowl.

Tom Segura (1:42)

Yes, sir.

I just cramped walking up to this. My calf cramped and I'm scared about the next hour.

Bert Kreischer (1:52)

My toenail is going to come off fucking cool. Yeah, you can have my toenails, sir.

Tom Segura (2:01)

Fuck, yeah, dude. Sell that shit.

Bert Kreischer (2:05)

I'll tell you, this is such a cool, cool experience. And it's so nice to see all these people out here and to see so many familiar faces with the fun t-shirts. I see one where I'm tucking my dick between my legs. Thank you.

Tom Segura (2:18)

That's awesome.

Bert Kreischer (2:19)

A picture from when Tom and I did a show with Vivid Porn Stars.

Tom Segura (2:23)

Yes.

Bert Kreischer (2:23)

We saw Evan Stone's cock.

Tom Segura (2:26)

That was a great day.

Bert Kreischer (2:27)

Yes.

Tom Segura (2:27)

That was a really great day. Oh, yeah. That's me as, yeah, a cool lady, Brigitte. Sorry.

Bert Kreischer (2:35)

So I think it's only fitting if we start off this podcast by bringing up what I think is the third bear, the third biggest, most important guy here. It's me, Tom and Jelly. Every time we do these, he's did this the last time two years ago. And I think over 500 pounds today is weighing in anywhere between 250 and 270

Jelly Roll (3:00)

Oh shit.

Bert Kreischer (3:00)

Ladies and gentlemen, wow. Jelly roll.

Tom Segura (3:03)

Jelly.

Jelly Roll (3:06)

I love y'all. What's up? Los Angeles.

Bert, I'm sure you've already been talking about it, but fuck. This microphone is scorching hot. Was your mic? It's really, it's a borrow fucking towel.

Tom Segura (3:20)

That's it.

Bert Kreischer (3:23)

Oh fuck. Oh, that's going to catch on fire.

Jelly Roll (3:26)

Oh, that's watch out for that one.

Bert Kreischer (3:29)

All right.

Tom Segura (3:29)

I'll move that one to the shade.

Jelly Roll (3:31)

I heard so many stories out there. We finished with a guy who lost 300 pounds when he heard about this race two years ago.

Tom Segura (3:38)

Yeah, that was amazing.

Jelly Roll (3:39)

So that was two guys that have lost 250 Where's that? But is he still here? If y'all know this guy, but he's got a shirt that says every mile matters. He's what is he met his wife at last year at Tampa. Yeah. You want to talk about a real two bears love story?

Tom Segura (3:52)

That's pretty crazy.

Jelly Roll (3:53)

This dude lost. He heard about the first one, lost a bunch of weight to run in the second one and then met his wife at the second one and lost a lot more weight. Now him and his wife are here for the third one.

Tom Segura (4:03)

That's awesome.

You guys should do anal tonight. You've earned it. That's amazing.

Bert Kreischer (4:08)

What's amazing is he showed us a picture of him and his biggest. And I think everyone's got one of those pictures and you always wish I was a little bit bigger because I've lost the weight. His is the best biggest picture I've ever seen. This year's family came to his house to say goodbye to him.