LEGAL STUFF

**Ron Burgundy** (0:11)
A man in Maryland is accused of stealing a cat from a pet store and then trying to rob a bank with that cat in hand.

**SPEAKER_2** (0:19)
Dear Lord.

**Ron Burgundy** (0:20)
Here is the dispatcher call and Stephanie from the Community Cats Rescue Center.

**SPEAKER_3** (0:27)
All units, Charlie is 1034, number one male, mid-20s, wearing the old shirt, black beanie, unknown color pants, possibly has a cat with him.

**Stephanie** (0:35)
Immediately saw all of these police cars, and I thought, wow, that's a heck of a response for a stolen cat. But then I realized they all were going down to the bank. They came back out a little, a few minutes later, and said, yes, there is a cat inside the bank.

**Ron Burgundy** (0:48)
Are you scared of a bank robber who's got a cute little kitty cat in his hands?

**SPEAKER_2** (0:52)
I would be maybe if he had it in his pocket and was pretending it was a gun. Did you ever did we ever think of that?

**Ron Burgundy** (0:58)
Would you think that a cat was a gun?

**SPEAKER_2** (1:01)
If he had it hiding in his pocket, is the cat going to fit in his pocket, though? I don't know. It's a little kitten. Right. Can we hear? I've got to hear that again, because the dispatcher was was completely confused.

**SPEAKER_3** (1:16)
All units, Charlie, section 1034, number one male, mid 20s, wearing yellow shirt, black beanie, unknown color pants, possibly has a cat with him.

**Stephanie** (1:24)
Immediately saw all of these police cars.

**Ron Burgundy** (1:27)
Possibly has a cat with him.

**SPEAKER_2** (1:30)
Black beanie.

**Ron Burgundy** (1:31)
I'm Ron Burgundy doing some legal stuff. Dateline, Columbus, Ohio.
An officer in Columbus was accidentally shot by another officer. Oh, no, who was trying to shoot a dog while responding to a domestic incident. Oh, there's a lot going on here. Here's the sergeant.

**SPEAKER_5** (1:51)
At some point, the dog had some type of interaction with the officers. And we know at least one officer discharged their firearm, accidentally striking the other officer. Thankfully, that officer is going to survive their injuries.

**SPEAKER_2** (2:06)
Yeah, that's a shame. You'll have that sometimes, especially when you're dealing with an animal that quite possibly could be dangerous.

**Ron Burgundy** (2:17)
Right.

**SPEAKER_2** (2:18)
And you're in close proximity with another human being, and there's guns involved.

**Ron Burgundy** (2:23)
That's what happens in my backyard when I'm looking for these rodents.

**SPEAKER_2** (2:26)
How is the rodent, the groundhog hunt, the great groundhog hunt of summer of 2026 going?

**Ron Burgundy** (2:33)
We caught one of the fat bastards in the cage.
My neighbor has eliminated the threat. I will not say any more than that.

**SPEAKER_2** (2:42)
Okay.

**Ron Burgundy** (2:43)
Threat has been eliminated. And now we wait for fat bastard number two. There were two of them. Like they were both out there working like kid and play. They were dancing. They were doing comedy skits in my backyard, digging holes, being a pain in the butt. So now there's one left. So far, thanks to this cage, we've got rid of one raccoon, one groundhog. We got one left.
So crossing our fingers, I wake up tomorrow and that little son of a, you know, what's in there.

**SPEAKER_2** (3:11)
I swear to God, like like back in the day, I like way before I had kids, we lived in another house and our neighbors were elderly. And the guy did not give a crap. He hated chipmunks and he trapped them in a cage on the side of his house.
And I'm not even going to say what he did to him, but it was like, like I sat there and watched it some days. And I was like, but he was 90 years old. And that was my excuse for like, well, he's 90 What is he didn't torture him. I'm just saying you put him out of their misery.

**Ron Burgundy** (3:46)
Right.

**SPEAKER_2** (3:46)
Is what I'm saying very quickly.

**Ron Burgundy** (3:48)
They got better treatment than some folks in Gitmo.
That's what you're telling me. Like there may be some waterboarding involved in Gitmo, but these chipmunks got something a little bit more extreme. I'm willing to bet.

**SPEAKER_2** (4:01)
We got a lot more water. Yeah.

**Ron Burgundy** (4:04)
The Hammer and Nigel Show.