Is This Anything?

Hammer (0:01)

The Hammer and Nigel presents.

SPEAKER_2 (0:07)

It depends upon what the meaning of the word is.

Hammer (0:12)

Is this anything?

Frank (0:14)

All right, let's rock and roll.

Hammer (0:15)

Yeah, we're brought to you by Indiana Unclaimed Hammer, a program presented by the Attorney General's Office here in Indiana, reuniting Hoosiers with over one million dollars in unclaimed property every single week. Every damn week? Every damn week.

Chuck (0:28)

On the telephone?

Hammer (0:29)

He's fast, easy and free to search indianunclaimed.gov.

Nigel (0:40)

Now, if somebody doesn't get that reference, what is that?

SPEAKER_2 (0:44)

Joe Biden. Yes.

Hammer (0:46)

When he was talking about the website that they were launching under his administration, he goes dot dot gum.

Nigel (0:53)

Vaccines dot gum dot gum.

Vaccines dot gum dot gum. He was trying to read it off the prompter, and there was no way that old goat was going to get through that. Is this anything? Affiliate Cheesesteak Restaurant in Pennsylvania is looking for a man who threw a cheesesteak at an employee's face and then ran off. What? Here's the victim, Tom, and the restaurant owner, Frank.

Tom (1:22)

The person showed up with a camera and tripod, leading him to believe he may be an influencer. He ordered a cheesesteak with whiz and onions, then came back a few minutes later. It hit me in the face.

Chuck (1:34)

He stood at the window, and then he took off running down the street.

Tom (1:36)

He turns around and he says to me, well, he says, it's garbage. It was another couple eating outside.

Frank (1:41)

I pointed at them and I said, guys, how was your steaks tonight?

Tom (1:44)

They said, our steaks were great.

Frank (1:46)

Why would you throw a cheesesteak in someone's face? That's assault. I'm thinking about offering a 500, no, maybe a $5,000 cash reward for the arrest of prosecution and jailman, of this person for assault and battery on my manager.

Hammer (2:00)

Yeah, they shouldn't be that hard to find, especially if this dork is some sort of influencer. And by the way, to show you how fat I can be sometimes, I got like hunger pangs.

I got the noise of hunger in my belly, talking about cheesesteaks and whiz and stuff like that. Oh, man, that sounds good right now from Hoagies and Hops.

Nigel (2:23)

I was going to say, you know where this wouldn't happen? Hoagies and Hops.

Hammer (2:26)

Christina would kick ass.

Nigel (2:27)

Christina would beat the dog, you know what, out of you. She'd hop over there and just unleash the dragon. Yes, she wouldn't put up with that.

Hammer (2:36)

Sorry. She's like, just talking about this guy getting hit. And what's wrong with me? I got hit in the face, was assaulted with a cheese steak. And I'm thinking, yeah, that sounds pretty good right now.

Nigel (2:49)

I mean, I hope she's OK. But damn, a cheese steak would hit the spot right now, man.

Is this anything a semi carrying 90 barrels of bourbon whiskey hit a guardrail and crashed on the West Virginia turnpike?

Hammer (3:06)

Oh, no.

Nigel (3:08)

Here's a West Virginia Parks Authority executive, Chuck, talking about it.

Chuck (3:13)

The semi came through carrying 90 barrels of bourbon whiskey, accidentally hit one of the attenuators or the guardrails between the lanes coming through, jarred the truck. I think there was eight barrels that were damaged and leaked.

SPEAKER_2 (3:30)

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound.

Hammer (3:38)

Yes, this is something. And this is sad.

Nigel (3:41)

All I can think about is Bluto and Animal House, when they've been kicked out of the Delta House at this point, and they're bringing all their crap out of the house. And one of the movers drops a bottle of whiskey.

SPEAKER_2 (3:54)

Yes.

Nigel (3:54)

And you see Bluto. And he starts crying and freaking out.

Hammer (4:00)

That was me. You remember last summer, not this. I think it was last summer when I still had the man van.

Nigel (4:07)

Oh, yeah.

Hammer (4:07)

And I stopped by the liquor store on a Friday night and bought a nice, just a big handle, a Jamo, Jamison.

And I got out of the man van and went around to the other side and opened the electronic sliding doors, you know? And that, I'll be damned if that handle didn't roll right out into the concrete of my driveway and splatter and break all over the place.

Nigel (4:35)

Shattered everywhere.

Hammer (4:40)

And Hammer, the best part was, my wife was there to witness it, and she was like pointing and laughing.

Nigel (4:51)