Is This Anything?

**Nigel** (0:06)
It depends upon what the meaning of the word is.

**SPEAKER_1** (0:11)
Is this anything?

**Brian Alvey** (0:14)
All right, let's rock and roll.

**Nigel** (0:15)
Brought to you by Indiana Unclaimed. Presented by the Attorney General's Office here in Indiana, reuniting Hoosiers with over $1 million in unclaimed property every single week, fast, easy and free. To search it up, Indianaunclaimed.gov.
My name is Nigel. Brian Alvey, long time friend of our show, going back to the podcast days. Were you on our podcast? Oh, turn your, can you turn this? Go ahead.

**Brian Alvey** (0:42)
Oh, okay, as I was saying, no, it wasn't the podcast days. It was shortly thereafter.

**Nigel** (0:46)
Wow.

**Brian Alvey** (0:47)
So yeah, I mean, I was listening to you guys on the podcast, but I wasn't on.

**Nigel** (0:50)
It's been nine years since it was the nine-year anniversary that kicked off of this show last week, where the late Bob Kovoyan was our first guest.

**Brian Alvey** (0:59)
Right.

**Nigel** (1:00)
And so, yeah, nine years, almost a decade now.

**Brian Alvey** (1:04)
Closing on a decade of decadence.

**Nigel** (1:06)
So thank you for filling in for Hammer today. Do you mind if I give you a couple of, is this anything? Hammer usually gives it to me, but it's nice to flip it around once in a while.
A Chinese company has introduced a smart toilet. Now, we all know about these Japanese and Chinese smart toilets. My dad has one, actually. It's really, I mean, it's nice. If you can afford a smart toilet, you know, you're living high on the hog, right?

**Brian Alvey** (1:34)
I don't even know what a smart toilet is.

**Nigel** (1:36)
Well, listen, listen to this one.
This Chinese company introduced a smart toilet that can drive to your bedside. This is a dream come true for me. Here are the details of the company's presentation video.

**SPEAKER_1** (1:51)
This is the Shaoban Intelligent Toilet Robot, designed primarily as a mobile, autonomous toilet for elderly people or those with mobility challenges.

**Nigel** (1:59)
Or me.

**SPEAKER_1** (2:00)
As instead of the person going to the toilet, the toilet comes to the person. As soon as you are finished, the robot initiates a built-in bidet system for automated washing followed by a warm air drying cycle. From there, a heavy-duty odor control mechanism instantly engages, sealing the internal chamber airtight to trap and neutralize any smells. The robot drives itself back to the docking station. It then extends a disposal arm, completely flushing both the solid and liquid waste away. Immediately after, it runs an intensive self-cleaning and sanitizing cycle on the bowl, leaving it pristine for the next trip.

**Nigel** (2:35)
A toilet that comes to you at night. Is this anything? Brian Alvey.

**Brian Alvey** (2:41)
If that was designed for those with physical ailments and handicaps, OK. If you're getting that, if you're getting that for no other reason, but.
Yeah, lazy. I got issue with this.

**Nigel** (2:52)
Ah, I'm raising my hand right here. I would love. I mean, I'm good for at least once a night getting up out of bed and having to stumble to the bathroom. Oh, I'm more than that. Well, you're only a couple of years older than me. That's that's but you drink coffee constantly all day. I feel like that's like some sort of direct, some sort of.

**Brian Alvey** (3:15)
I drink two or three pots of coffee a day, but I'm also Lord.

**Nigel** (3:17)
And that explains it.

**Brian Alvey** (3:19)
I'm also a religious water drinker. I drink water all day, every day, all night. I always drink of water. It's the best thing you could do for your body. So I'm not getting through the night without trips.

**Nigel** (3:30)
If I had unlimited funds, the toilet comes to me. Right next to my bedside.

**Brian Alvey** (3:38)
I have to draw the line somewhere.
I'm not taking a crap next to my bed. That's gross. Well, usually at night, it's just I'm going to get like dead eye contact with my wife. It's not happening. Go to the bathroom, shut the door, be by yourself for a moment.

**Nigel** (3:56)
You got your elbows on the mattress instead of your knees.

**Brian Alvey** (4:00)
Oh, you're not just gripping on to the end of the bed with a death grip.

**Nigel** (4:03)
Like, oh, you know, I mean, no, I love this idea. I've had the idea for a while. I want a toilet in my shower.

**Brian Alvey** (4:12)
Now, if you could bring the fridge to me in bed.

**Nigel** (4:17)
Oh, come on.

**Brian Alvey** (4:18)
Cold beer and cold cuts now for that.