Is it possible to not love your parents?

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Is it possible not to love your parents?

Thanks for asking.

It's more common than we tend to admit. Some children grow up with parents who are critical, emotionally distant or unable to empathize. In that kind of environment, attachment bonds don't always form smoothly. Children may internalize the idea that they don't deserve affection, and that makes it harder to give it back. Add in repeated abandonment, breakups, violence or addiction, and some children end up feeling no real attachment to the people who raised them. As psychologist Renaud Perronnet notes, this isn't abnormal or shameful. It's often a protective defense. Loving your parents isn't automatic, guaranteed or mandatory, and sometimes letting go of their expectation can be liberating. So can we choose to love less to protect ourselves?

Yes. Neuropsychiatrist Boris Cyrilinic explores this in his book The Ugly Ducklings, explaining how children can develop despite growing up in an unloving environment. Some eventually withdraw love when they realize it was conditional, intrusive or simply absent. But does our love for them fluctuate over time? Absolutely. Think of adolescence, that universal moment when a slammed door becomes a statement. A dip in affection can just be part of individuation. Teens grow partly against their parents in order to become themselves and assert their own identity.

Research from Stanford University even shows that around age 13 or 14, the brain stops finding a mother's voice as rewarding as before. As psychologist Christine Cannard explains, this shift boosts attention towards peers instead of adults. Rejecting certain parental traits isn't always about hatred, sometimes it's about autonomy, and the same goes for love. So then, how should we think about parental love? Not in terms of quantity, as Psychology magazine reminds us what matters is quality. Love and how you love your parents can look very different for different people, as well as the relationship you have with them. Without it meaning that there's anything wrong. There you have it.

Now you know if it's possible to not love your parents. In under 3 minutes, we answer your questions and help you understand the true meaning behind the trends, concepts, and acronyms that are making headlines. Listen along, and you really will know for sure.

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