I answered Men’s Most Taboo Sexual Questions

Emily Morse (0:00)

One question I'm asked all the time is, Emily, what products do you actually recommend? And that's exactly why we created Shop Sex With Emily.

Every product in the shop is something my team and I personally researched and tested or recommended because we genuinely believe it can help you have better sex, stronger intimacy, and just more confidence in the bedroom. Whether you're shopping for yourself, your partner, or both of you, we've made it easy to find products that actually work. Head to shopsexwithemily.com and discover your next favorite bedroom essential. So how long is sex actually supposed to last? What if you lose your erection in the middle of sex, even though you're really attracted to your partner? And is it bad to masturbate every day? These are the questions I get from men all the time. And a lot of guys are embarrassed to ask because they think they should already know the answers. But nobody's born knowing how sex is supposed to work. And a lot of what men learn about sex comes from porn. Their friends are just figuring things out on their own. So today, we're answering seven questions men don't always feel comfortable asking. For over 20 years, I've helped millions of people have better sex and deeper connections. I'm Dr. Emily Morse, host of the award-winning Sex With Emily podcast. And I've made it my mission to take the shame, confusion and guesswork out of sex. And remember, you can always ask me your questions, grab free guides and resources and explore all my favorite sexual wellness products at shopsexwithemily. Just head to sexwithemily.com/ask.

Also watch full episodes on my YouTube channel. Let's start with one of the questions I hear all the time. Is it bad to masturbate every day? No, listen, there's nothing inherently wrong with masturbating every day.

Some people masturbate daily, some a few times a week, some rarely. What matters isn't the number, it's whether it's having a negative impact on your life. For example, is it interfering with work or your relationship? Are you doing it even when you don't really want to, like you feel like you can't actually not do it? Is it causing irritation or distress? In other words, are there consequences? How is it impacting your life? And masturbation could be a great way to learn about your body. So, I'm a fan. It doesn't mean you're unhappy with your partner or that something's missing from your sex life. But here's something worth paying attention to. So let's say you've been masturbating the same way since you were 15 Same hand, same pressure, same speed, you know. You know exactly what works. You could have an orgasm in 3 minutes. But then you're with a partner, and you can't orgasm the same way.

Now that's not necessarily something going on with your partner. You might just really be accustomed to that specific kind of stimulation. So what I want you to do is experiment a little. Try a letter grip. Use some lube. Change your speed. Now, notice what kinds of touch feel like. If you're having trouble orgasming with a partner, you can show them it works for you.

So masturbation starts feeling out of control or is interfering with your life. Well, that's worth getting support for. But masturbating every day by itself, not a problem. So just look for the impact it's having, and then you know if there is an issue. And I'm always here to help. Okay, the next question, how long is sex supposed to last? First of all, what do we mean by sex? Are we talking about penetration? Because that's how the majority of people think about sex. Because if we're only counting the minutes your penis is inside somebody else, well, we're leaving out a lot of what makes sex pleasurable. There's so many factors. There's kissing and touching and oral sex and clitoral stimulation. That's all sex too. Now, there was a study that found the median time from vaginal penetration to ejaculation was about 5.4 minutes. So 5 minutes. And that's not a goal. That's just what researchers observed. So there's no ideal number of minutes everybody should be aiming for. But think about how much pressure men put on themselves to last longer. It's like, I don't even know that anyone else wants it to last as long as men do. They're like obsessed that like lasting longer means that they're better lovers.

So you're having sex and you're thinking, am I going to finish too soon? Should I slow down? Is she enjoying this? How much longer can I go? Meanwhile, you're probably thinking, I wish she kissed me more. I wish she touched my clitoris. You're so busy trying to last that you're not paying attention to what actually feels good. Here's something important. Most women don't consistently orgasm from penetration alone. Most don't. Many require other kinds of stimulation.