How to Work with a Passive-Aggressive Coworker | The Harvard Business Review Guide

**SPEAKER_1** (0:01)
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**Amy Gallo** (0:56)
Okay. I've got good news and bad news about passive-aggressive coworkers. First, the bad news, you can't avoid them. They're in practically every workplace, and even great colleagues sometimes act passive-aggressively.
Guess what? You have probably behaved passive-aggressively at some point too.

**SPEAKER_3** (1:16)
I know I have.

**Amy Gallo** (1:17)
The good news, your colleague is probably not being a jerk on purpose, and if you can understand a little bit about what motivates them, your relationship will be a lot less painful. I'm going to show you what makes them tick, and then share some tips for getting along with them.

**SPEAKER_3** (1:32)
How to Work with Someone Even Difficult People We've all worked with that person.

**Amy Gallo** (1:36)
You know the one. They commit to doing something in a meeting, and then never follow through, or that email they promised just never shows up, or maybe they pay you a compliment, which is really just a disguised insult. So they might say, you have such a relaxed style, which truly means, I think you're lazy. They might roll their eyes at you, or give you the cold shoulder, but then when you ask them, what's wrong? They say, nothing, it's all in your head. It is so frustrating.
These are all behaviors that you would consider passive aggressive, but let's define that term a little more clearly.
Your coworker is behaving passive aggressively when they're not forthcoming about their truly thinking and instead use indirect methods to convey their thoughts or feelings. To work harmoniously with them, we need to know why they're behaving that way.

**Gabe Adams** (2:28)
Passive aggressiveness is one of those behaviors that people use when they think that they're trying to cushion feedback or soften a blow or they don't want to offend.

**Amy Gallo** (2:41)
That's Gabe Adams, a professor at University of Virginia, and she studies this exact topic.

**Gabe Adams** (2:47)
It can also just come from a place of, I don't want to take the time to get into a conflict with someone or have a confrontation.

**Amy Gallo** (2:55)
In addition to avoiding conflict, Gabe says that sometimes colleagues slip into passive aggressive behavior because it feels like it might be their only option.

**Gabe Adams** (3:03)
The communicators end, they can think of a whole bunch of situational reasons why they might want to be indirect. For example, they're relatively powerless in a situation.
They don't feel like they have much of a voice or much of a say in a decision that they can't come in kind of strong and hard and direct. And so as a result, they come across in a way that feels passive aggressive.

**Amy Gallo** (3:26)
So they may not be doing it for harmful reasons and they may not even realize that they're being indirect. They may be trying to avoid saying no or being honest about what they're feeling. Their behavior is often driven by common fears, like the fear of rejection or a desire for something, like the desire to be perfect. With all that in mind, here are some tips for dealing with your passive aggressive coworker.
Tip one, avoid calling them passive aggressive.

**SPEAKER_3** (3:54)
It's a loaded phrase.

**SPEAKER_6** (3:57)
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