How can we stay connected with loved ones living with dementia?

SPEAKER_1 (0:01)

Best Of Live Well ft. Lance Alexander.

Lance Alexander (0:05)

The time is 11.05 on Money FM 89.3. You know, when someone we love develops dementia, families worry about losing that connection they once had. We'll ask, how do we spend time together, perhaps to reminisce when conversations become harder, familiar activities just don't seem to work.

Lions Home for the Elders has an approach that starts with understanding routines, interests and relationships. It uses robotic companions even, alongside care provided by the staff. Lions Home for the Elders operates nursing homes in Bishan and Bedok. It cares for older people, including those living with dementia. To tell us how understanding someone's life can help us find ways to connect, even reconnect, as dementia worsens, we speak to Steven Seah, who's chairman at Lions Home. Steven, welcome to the show.

Steven Seah (1:04)

Good morning, Lance.

Lance Alexander (1:05)

Good morning, sir. You know, when you say dementia care starts with getting to know the person you're looking after, what exactly are you talking about?

Steven Seah (1:15)

Lance, now dementia care is more than mere medical care. It goes beyond looking at the resident, merely from the point of that medical condition. For example, what pain do you have?

What can you do or what you cannot do? It's much more than that. We take a look at the resident and we say, who is this person? So we try to find out more about the resident, their history, what they do, what they like, what makes them happy, what makes them move and what would be familiar to them.

Lance Alexander (1:56)

So it's so important that the people you're speaking to, because I can imagine that families having to leave their moms or dads at a nursing home, maybe even grandparents, it's not easy for them because they're putting a family member into someone else's care. So it's important that you collate as much information to also ensure that the individual that you're taking care of is comfortable too. So you can talk about some stories that have come from the parents or children.

So in case there's certain milestones, you can talk about it, certain songs that they're familiar with, certain items that they wear to make them feel comfortable. Because to them, this is a totally different environment that they're going into. So you want them to feel comfortable and at home straight away, yes?

Steven Seah (2:45)

What is important, I find that when the families bring the loved one to the home, we assume that they are doing it because there's a need, and not because they want to abandon them.

Lance Alexander (2:58)

Yeah, because I guess sometimes the needs become too difficult. Sometimes, some parents are caught up in a sandwich generation. They're looking after young kids, and they're looking after aging parents who are now having dementia. So it may be difficult. I can imagine they are making some tough choices, but something that needs to be made because they need people to look after them in a better sense, yes?

Steven Seah (3:20)

So what we would do is that first we tell them, don't feel guilty about it. Because sometimes they say, oh, I'm a bad son, I'm a bad daughter because I'm not looking after my parents. And after that, we encourage engagement with them. In the sense, please visit your loved one, visit your mom.

Lance Alexander (3:38)

And that's also very important.

Steven Seah (3:40)

Don't lose touch, don't feel bad, whatever the circumstances, whatever the response.

But the other thing is that we also engage the families in the sense we find out, oh, when your mom was young, what did she like, what did she do, et cetera? What was her previous occupation, et cetera? So this information will help our caregivers to say, okay, maybe we try this program to help the residents.

Lance Alexander (4:09)

So each resident that you take care of has got a more bespoke program as you garner and get more information. Maybe you can give us an example as to how you took care of someone with dementia and how that progress and how the individual was able to feel some sparks of remembering some things that happened to his or her life.

Steven Seah (4:34)

Yeah, you are right to say that the care is not in the sense one size fits all.

Lance Alexander (4:39)

Yes.

Steven Seah (4:40)

But it's custom made. Tour is a bespoke kind of. So I give you one example. We call one resident, we call her Madam L. All right?

Lance Alexander (4:49)

Okay.

Steven Seah (4:50)

When she came in, she was not very, I mean, responsive in the sense she will be by herself, etc. Then we spoke to her family and we found out that previously she was a classical dancer.