How can I recognise a flying monkey, the narcissistic abuser’s best friend?

SPEAKER_1 (0:01)

Strength is one of the most important investments in your long-term health. That's why I love Orange Theory Fitness.

Every one-hour Orange Theory workout helps you build muscle, burn fat, and take control of your health. Guided by a coach every step of the way. No wondering what to do next. No intimidating gym floor. Just strength built for life. Visit orangetheory.com/spotify to learn more and get your first class free. Terms and conditions apply. See website and participating studio for details.

SPEAKER_2 (0:30)

Chronic migraine is 15 or more headache days a month, each lasting four hours or more.

SPEAKER_3 (0:34)

Botox, on a botulinum toxin A, prevents headaches in adults with chronic migraine before they start. It's not for those with 14 or fewer headache days a month. It prevents on average eight to nine headache days a month versus six to seven for placebo.

SPEAKER_4 (0:47)

Prescription Botox is injected by your doctor. Effects of Botox may spread hours to weeks after injection causing serious symptoms. Alert your doctor right away as difficulty swallowing, speaking, breathing, high problems or muscle weakness can be signs of a life-threatening condition. Patients with these conditions before injection are at highest risk. Side effects may include allergic reactions, neck and injection site pain, fatigue, and headache. Allergic reactions can include rash, welts, asthma symptoms, and dizziness. Don't receive Botox if there's a skin infection. Tell your doctor your medical history, muscle or nerve conditions including ALS, Lou Gehrig's disease, myasthenia gravis, or Lambert-Eton syndrome, and medications including botulinum toxins as these may increase the risk of serious side effects.

SPEAKER_2 (1:24)

Why wait? Ask your doctor, visit botoxchronicmigraine.com or call 1-800-44-BOTOXX to learn more.

Bababam (1:34)

How can I recognize a flying monkey? The narcissistic abuser's best friend.

Thanks for asking.

We've already talked about narcissistic abusers in a previous episode of Do You Really Know? But let's refresh your memory. Narcissistic abusers, or NA's for short, are people with manipulative tendencies who inflict a range of toxic behaviours on their target, but position themselves as victims. Now, NA victim relationships don't always exist solely between two individuals. There can be one or more additional figures in this dynamic, an accomplice or multiple accomplices. And the accomplices of NA's are actually known as flying monkeys. We're not talking about the animal kingdom here, but people who are used by NA's as tools to maintain control, spread misinformation, or even to harass others. What an odd term. Where does it come from? It actually originated from the 1930s film The Wizard of Oz. In this cinema classic, the wicked witch of the east puts actual flying monkeys under her spell, and uses them as minions to terrorise Dorothy.

SPEAKER_2 (2:47)

I'll get you, my pretty, and you're the-

Bababam (2:52)

It's comparable to how in the real world NA's use accomplices to do their dirty work. Flying monkeys may spread rumors or lies about an NA's target or victim, isolate or alienate them, minimize or justify the NA's abusive actions, and blame the victim for being too sensitive, dismissing their feelings.

Firstly, it's important to note that this can happen unconsciously. NA's may surround themselves with individuals who have low self-esteem. Flying monkeys tend to be easy to manipulate, making them obvious candidates for the role of puppet. They struggle to grasp the implications of their actions and recognise the harm they inflict on others, which prevents them from breaking free from this exploitative dynamic. Moreover, the flying monkeys unconsciously derive benefits from this complicit position. It allows them to remain close to the one who holds power in the relationship, while ensuring they never face any consequences. NA's also select personalities that need validation or recognition. What strategies can I use to handle flying monkeys effectively?

First of all, you need to identify them by observing their behavioural patterns. Pay attention to those who constantly validate an NA's actions while downplaying other's concerns. Often they lack the autonomy to form their own opinions, and that does mere extensions of the manipulator. Dealing with flying monkeys requires a combination of awareness and assertiveness. First, maintain a healthy scepticism towards information that comes from them. Cross-checking facts whenever possible. When confronted by a flying monkey, respond calmly and assertively, refusing to engage in drama or conflict. Express your perspective calmly, without attacking them. Setting clear boundaries is crucial. Let them know you won't tolerate being used as a pawn. If necessary, distance yourself from the manipulator and their network to regain control of your own narrative.

There you have it.

Now you know how to recognize a flying monkey. In under three minutes, we answer your questions and help you understand the true meaning behind the trends, concepts and acronyms that are making headlines. Listen along and you will really know it for sure.