Halo: Campaign Evolved and Other Games (Ft. Gemma Driscoll)

**Gemma Driscoll** (0:03)
You're listening to the Sans Pants Network.

**SPEAKER_2** (0:07)
Like it possibly, you're wrong.

**Joel Duscher** (0:08)
This month on Thumb Cramps, it's Remugust. Remakes and remasters all month long.

**SPEAKER_2** (0:24)
You're listening to Thumb Cramps, a sh-sh-show for the-the-those whose thumbs are cr-cr-crampin.

**Joel Duscher** (0:33)
What's up, gamers? And welcome to this week's episode of Thumb Cramps, a video game review podcast for everyone whose thumbs are cramping. I'm Joel.

**Jackson** (0:42)
I'm Jackson.

**Joel Duscher** (0:43)
And Jackson.

**Jackson** (0:44)
What?

**Joel Duscher** (0:44)
Listeners, we're joined by first-time guest, but longtime friend, Gemma Driscoll.

**Gemma Driscoll** (0:51)
Oh, look, it's me. Sorry, I like cracked up the what.

**Jackson** (0:54)
What? What are you talking to me? I don't know what he wants.

**Gemma Driscoll** (0:57)
Yeah, I wasn't looking at him either, so I took him by surprise.

**Joel Duscher** (1:01)
So for everyone listening to Thumb Cramps, you've got a theater of a mind. What is the layout of this episode? Joel said something, but Jackson wasn't looking at him, but he did say what, so they are.

**Jackson** (1:09)
But it's entirely feasible that they are across from each other, and Jackson just was looking at something else. No, actually, we're sitting side by side looking at a computer. Yeah.

**Gemma Driscoll** (1:18)
And I'll be your dungeon master for this evening. Roll for initiative, boys.

**SPEAKER_5** (1:21)
Yes, exactly.

**Joel Duscher** (1:22)
We somehow both rolled a negative one. Yeah, yeah, my dice got really hot.

**Gemma Driscoll** (1:27)
So sorry to say, the dragon's coming. Which one of you is a bard?

**SPEAKER_5** (1:30)
You've got some work to do.

**Jackson** (1:32)
Okay.

**Joel Duscher** (1:33)
In D&D in real life, I would probably be a bard, but be no good.

**Jackson** (1:36)
I think I'd be a goblin.

**Joel Duscher** (1:38)
Yeah. An unskilled goblin.

**Jackson** (1:41)
Yeah.

**Gemma Driscoll** (1:41)
I don't have a clause.

**Jackson** (1:42)
I got no clause. I'm just a guy.

**Gemma Driscoll** (1:44)
I'd just be the NPC that starts the journey off in the tavern and is like, no, I'm not having this app. I gotta go. Gang, we gotta leave.

**Jackson** (1:51)
Goodbye, guys.

**SPEAKER_5** (1:52)
Find the treasure.

**Joel Duscher** (1:53)
I'm a guy that's trying to organize a side quest that no one ever takes where I've just lost my ping.

**Gemma Driscoll** (1:58)
Hey.

**Jackson** (1:59)
Dude, you'd be that guy in a video game, too. He'd just be a sad-looking you when you press A and you go, I lost my damn ping.

**Joel Duscher** (2:05)
Have you seen my damn pig?

**Gemma Driscoll** (2:07)
I lost my damn ping. Developers, you need an NPC? We've got the man right here.

**Joel Duscher** (2:11)
If you've got a guy that's lost a pig and you need to put a face to it, or maybe a guy that can't find his house.

**Jackson** (2:17)
Yep, yep. That's really good.

**Joel Duscher** (2:19)
Hey, I had a big night and I can't find my house.

**Jackson** (2:22)
I like to think I'm like one of those ones where it's, there's like a bunch of holes in front of me and I've got a bunch of sticks. And I say, my sticks aren't in my hole. You put the sticks in the hole and you got to go up to each one.

**Gemma Driscoll** (2:33)
Just a guy with a lonely hole. What can I say?

**Joel Duscher** (2:36)
No, that's the wrong stick for that.

**SPEAKER_5** (2:39)
Give it back, I'll do it properly.

**Jackson** (2:40)
There's no way of determining what stick.

**Gemma Driscoll** (2:42)
I want to be the NPC that's put in like the tax collector in The Witch Earth. You saw him trying to bug the game at. It's like, hey girl, have you paid your taxes yet?
I just want to be that guy that everyone hates. He's sort of like an Easter egg of an Easter egg.

**Jackson** (2:56)
Those are great where it's like the game, it allows you to scam the game, but then the game's like, I'm actually not having it. You know what I mean?

**Joel Duscher** (3:04)
The game keeps score.

**Jackson** (3:06)
The game keeps the game much like the body keeps the score.

**Joel Duscher** (3:08)
The body doesn't keep the score. The body don't care.

**Gemma Driscoll** (3:11)
That's a myth, you're right.

**Joel Duscher** (3:12)
It is a myth. Much like how my body is a temple is a myth.

**SPEAKER_5** (3:16)
My body, a temple?

**Jackson** (3:18)
Definitely not yours, definitely not yours.

**Joel Duscher** (3:20)
My body's a gamer. And speaking of gaming, it's time to introduce this week's episode, which if you can read, which Thumb Cramps audiences is kind of 50-50 on that.