GUEST SERIES | Dr. Paul Conti: How to Build and Maintain Healthy Relationships

**Andrew D. Huberman** (0:00)
Welcome to the Huberman Lab guest series, where I and an expert guest discuss science and science-based tools for everyday life. I'm Andrew Huberman, and I'm a professor of neurobiology and ophthalmology at Stanford School of Medicine. Today marks the third episode in our four episode series about mental health with Dr. Paul Conti. Today's episode deals with the topic of healthy relationships, how to define what a healthy relationship is, and how to achieve healthy relationships of all kinds, including romantic relationships, interpersonal relationships at work, friendships with family, and of course, with oneself. This episode builds on the framework of the psychology of self and mental health that was established in the first and second episodes of this series. However, even if you didn't listen to the first or second episode in this series, today's episode will still contain a lot of information and protocols that you will find valuable for improving your relationships. That said, if you have the opportunity to listen to the first and second episodes in this series, I think you'll find those to be tremendously beneficial at any point. During today's episode, Dr. Conti discusses what makes for a successful relationship of any kind, as well as tools to improve those relationships. He discusses various types of bonds, including healthy bonds and trauma bonds, not just in the context of romantic relationship, but in the context of all types of relationships. We also discuss different challenges that people face in relationships, including abusive relationships. And we discuss the role of power dynamics, anxiety and boundaries in relationships, both from the perspective of unhealthy relationships, but more importantly, from the understanding and protocols to cultivate healthy relationships. While there is an abundance of opinions and information out there on the internet these days about relationships, both healthy and unhealthy, today's discussion approaches the topic of relationships through an entirely different lens, which is the lens of the self in terms of one's conscious and subconscious mind, and how multiple conscious and subconscious minds, through different individuals, interact with one another in ways that we can see and ways that we can't see, and all of that framed within the actionable steps that any of us can take to improve our relationship to ourself and to others. Before we begin, I'd like to emphasize that this podcast is separate from my teaching and research roles at Stanford. It is, however, part of my desire and effort to bring zero cost to consumer information about science and science-related tools to the general public. In keeping with that theme, I'd like to thank the sponsors of today's podcast. Our first sponsor is BetterHelp. BetterHelp offers professional therapy with a licensed therapist carried out all online. I've been doing therapy for more than 30 years. Well, I confess that initially I was forced to do that therapy as a condition for being let back into high school. Over time, I learned that therapy is a tremendously valuable practice. In fact, I consider doing regular weekly therapy as just as important as doing regular physical exercise in order to improve one's health. The beauty of BetterHelp is that it makes it extremely easy to find a therapist that's excellent for you. And we can define an excellent therapist as somebody who's going to give you a lot of support, but in an objective way, as well as somebody with whom you can have excellent rapport, and that can help you arrive at positively transformative insights that you wouldn't have otherwise had. And with BetterHelp, they make it convenient so that it's matched to your schedule and the other aspects of your life. If you'd like to try BetterHelp, go to betterhelp.com/huberman to get 10% off your first month. Again, that's betterhelp.com/huberman.
Today's episode is also brought to us by Waking Up. Waking Up is a meditation app that offers dozens of guided meditation sessions, mindfulness trainings, yoga nidra sessions and more. By now, there's an abundance of data showing that even short daily meditations can greatly improve our mood, reduce anxiety, improve our ability to focus and can improve our memory. And while there are many different forms of meditation, most people find it difficult to find and stick to a meditation practice in a way that is most beneficial for them. The Waking Up app makes it extremely easy to learn how to meditate and to carry out your daily meditation practice in a way that's going to be most effective and efficient for you. It includes a variety of different types of meditations of different duration, as well as things like yoga nidra, which place the brain and body into a sort of pseudo sleep that allows you to emerge feeling incredibly mentally refreshed. In fact, the science around yoga nidra is really impressive, showing that after a yoga nidra session, levels of dopamine in certain areas of the brain are enhanced by up to 60%, which places the brain and body into a state of enhanced readiness for mental work and for physical work. Another thing I really like about the waking up app is that it provides a 30 day introduction course. So for those of you that have not meditated before, or getting back to a meditation practice, that's fantastic. Or if you're somebody who's already a skilled and regular meditator, waking up has more advanced meditations and yoga neder sessions for you as well. If you'd like to try the waking up app, you can go to wakingup.com/huberman and access a free 30 day trial. Again, that's wakingup.com/huberman. And now for my discussion about mental health with Dr. Paul Conti. Dr. Conti, welcome back.