Episode 417: Helping Families with Disabilities Experience Their Capability with Amy Juila Becker

SPEAKER_1 (0:01)

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Sissy Goff (0:38)

Hey friends, welcome to the Raising Boys and Girls Podcast. I'm Sissy Goff.

David Thomas (0:43)

And I'm David Thomas. And we're so glad you've joined us for this conversation. Let's dive in.

Sissy Goff (0:55)

Amy Julia Becker invites people to re-imagine the good life through her writing and speaking on Disability, Faith, and Culture. She is the author of To Be Made Well, White Picket Fences, Small Talk, and A Good and Perfect Gift. She is a guest opinion writer for National Publications and hosts two podcasts, Take the Next Step and Reimagining the Good Life. She is a member of the Disability Ministry Network and the Alliance for Disability Justice and Ethics in Reproductive Genetics. And you all, all of that to say she is brilliant and thoughtful and wise in this episode we were just talking about is going to go down as one of our Hallmark Hall of Fame favorite episodes that is an unbelievable resource. So get ready to want to listen and relisten and write down all the way through. There's so many beautiful, practical, helpful ideas. So you're going to love this episode with our friend Amy Julia.

We are so excited to have you back on the Raising Boys and Girls Podcast and so loved our last conversation and especially love this one as we think about capable and wanting to lean in specifically to some areas that we really trust and value your expertise so much. And so we would love to start with knowing that you have spent years helping families navigate disability.

How would you define capability as we're in this season for a child whose path may look different than what parents expected?

Amy Julia Becker (2:32)

Well, first of all, thank you. I'm delighted to be back with you both. I'm really grateful for this podcast for myself as a parent and for all the parents out there who are listening. So thank you for what you do. It is really an honor to be able to be in conversation about these things. And when it comes to capability, I do think capability is one of those topics that actually can extend between the disability realm and the typically developing realm pretty naturally, pretty easily. I know that that question you all ask pretty regularly in terms of what's two things that you as a parent are doing for your child, that they could do for themselves and that they're doing that they can almost do for themselves. Those are really applicable questions in the disability space. So I think some of it has to do with a mindset about capability because the particulars are going to look different from child to child. And so if you're in a mindset that you're only capable if you hit a developmental milestone at a certain time that a doctor has given me, well then your child with a disability will often seem incapable. But if your mindset is what is the next small step that we could take together towards growth in some area of your life, then I think parents will often find their children incredibly capable, including their children with disabilities. So I do think the timeline is often stretched out and measuring our kids against some sort of average given to us in a doctor's office will not feel good or applicable.

But seeing them as incredibly capable and us as the guides towards that, I think can work really well.

Sissy Goff (4:14)

Thank you. So helpful.

David Thomas (4:16)

Already.

Sissy Goff (4:17)

I know.

David Thomas (4:17)

Right out of the gate. This is what happens when we talk to you all the time. Something so thoughtful. I'm going to be thinking about that language all day today. Just what's one small step toward growth.

I love that language in your life. That's honoring of their pay. So thank you for that. Thank you. Yeah.

Amy Julia Becker (4:35)

I found so early on with our daughter, Penny, who as you all know, is now 20 years old and has Down syndrome, that everything felt like it was stretched out.

But in some ways, that was just kind of really cool. It's like, oh, my other kids would skip from number one to number 10 in terms of these developmental stages. And Penny always went from one to two. It was like the next small thing is what she learned. But she kept doing that over and over. She's still doing that as a 20 year old. And it really can be quite beautiful to watch and get to be a part of as a parent.