Episode 148: The Gathering

**Lindsay Hansen Park** (0:12)
Listen, I've been around a lot of disappointing Mormon men my entire life. And you know, of course, there are some good ones. You included, Bryan.

**Bryan Buchanan** (0:21)
Thank you.

**Lindsay Hansen Park** (0:22)
But there's a substantial amount of mediocre Mormon dudes. And why? Well, because since birth, we teach our young men to emulate disappointing men like Brigham Young. How many Mormons, how many of you out there had some sort of like physical representation of Brigham Young in your house? Let's be honest, it's okay, this is a safe place. A bookend, a porcelain bust, a painting, a superhero from Deseret Book, a vinyl quote of On Tile that your mom brought back from Home Making Night. We told our dudes to follow the example of one of the most disappointing dudes in history, brother Brigham Young.

**Bryan Buchanan** (1:01)
You listen, I have a couple bookends and a shirt. Does it help if I own them ironically?

**Lindsay Hansen Park** (1:07)
Maybe.

**Bryan Buchanan** (1:08)
All right, then I own them ironically.

**Lindsay Hansen Park** (1:09)
If you fought against that and you're one of the cool ones and you listen to the smashing pumpkins in high school, you're good. You're good. But if you were trying hard to be this guy, yeah, I don't know about that. Good luck getting a date. All I'm saying is, he's not my favorite, in case you didn't know. The coolest thing about Brigham Young is that he ran the GSL like a mafia, and that's not even cool, fam. That's kind of evil. If we churn out bad men or even just mediocre dudes in our community, it's because these guys were looking up to men who didn't bathe, who treated their wives like a business transaction, at best, and who didn't keep their promises.

**Bryan Buchanan** (1:50)
All right, so of all the Brigham Young failed promises, which one's your favorite?

**Lindsay Hansen Park** (1:54)
Well, he said that the US government would fall in the 1850s, and it didn't. And then he said the Civil War would destroy America, and he'd get all the power, and he didn't. And that Utah would be an independent nation, and it wasn't, and that Adam was God.

**Bryan Buchanan** (2:11)
Make Adam God again.

**Lindsay Hansen Park** (2:13)
And Adam was God. Men lived on the moon, and he wanted to put a steamboat on the Great Salt Lake. He said that polygamy was necessary for salvation, and that children were born from interracial marriages, were sterile like mules, and that monogamy contributed to the fall of Rome. What else did I miss?

**Bryan Buchanan** (2:30)
A bit. There's lots more. However, today, the most relevant failed promise is that Brigham Young promised hand carts would be the quickest, cheapest way to Zion. No cap. Turns out it was all cap and frostbite. So much frostbite.

**Lindsay Hansen Park** (2:51)
Hi, this is Lindsay Hansen Park.

**Bryan Buchanan** (2:53)
And this is Bryan Buchanan.

**Lindsay Hansen Park** (2:54)
Bringing you the story of Mormonism from the shadow of the Everlasting Hills, straight out of Zion, this isn't your grandpa's Mormon history.

**Bryan Buchanan** (3:20)
This is the tale of Mormon saints and sinners from our roots until present day. Saddle up.

**Lindsay Hansen Park** (3:25)
Gird your loins, lock your hearts, and pay your tithing, because we're bringing you the story of Mormonism in all its paradisiacal glory.

**Bryan Buchanan** (3:32)
It's the Sunstone History Podcast. The story of the Mormon handcart companies, particularly the famed Willie and Martin handcart companies of 1856 It's a haunting tale of faith exploited, leadership failures, human suffering. It begins with grand promises by none other than Lindsay's favorite comic book character, Brigham Young, the polka dot hornet, I believe was his character. He envisioned a cost-effective, efficient way to bring impoverished European converts to Zion. His plan, or should we say scheme?

**Lindsay Hansen Park** (4:22)
Did it involve murdering Joseph Smith and installing the doctrine of polygamy into Mormonism on Hulu?

**Bryan Buchanan** (4:28)
Yes. Wait, no, I mean, no. Polygamy and denier jokes are neither true or useful on handcart tracks so please don't pack them. You only get 40 pounds. No one's going to run into camp in the middle of the night screaming, where's Jacob Cochran? Nothing like that on this trick. Brigham Young wasn't looking to forge conspiracies in the 21st century. He's interested in growing his church and saving money. Issue is how to get thousands of these newly minted Mormon converts all the way to Utah.

**Lindsay Hansen Park** (4:53)
How to do it cheap and with free labor if that ain't Mormonism in a nutshell.

**Bryan Buchanan** (4:59)
Where are the senior missionaries in this program is what I'd like to know.