Ep. 271 - AI Is Ruining Video Games

SPEAKER_1 (0:30)

I want you to take your phone out.

SPEAKER_2 (0:31)

Take it out.

SPEAKER_1 (0:32)

Yes, and I want you to grab both ends of the long sides. There you go. Now, try to...

SPEAKER_2 (0:39)

Try as hard as you can, you break it. I want you to try to break it.

SPEAKER_1 (0:43)

Is he trying?

SPEAKER_2 (0:44)

It really does look like he's trying.

SPEAKER_4 (0:46)

I actually...

SPEAKER_2 (0:47)

Oh my god, he's really... It really looks like...

SPEAKER_4 (0:48)

Apparently, it's really hard to do it to them now.

SPEAKER_2 (0:51)

What are you... Are you on a forum?

SPEAKER_4 (0:53)

Yeah, look, I saw a video where somebody cracks the older iPhones, and then they try to crack the newest one, and the newest one is really, really hard.

SPEAKER_1 (1:01)

Wow. Hey.

It's hand to tap. All right, here's my apathetical. Are you ready?

SPEAKER_2 (1:06)

I thought maybe that was it.

SPEAKER_1 (1:07)

I come in... No. I just needed... I wanted him to damage the thing he loves the most.

SPEAKER_2 (1:11)

Yes. But we all love the most.

SPEAKER_5 (1:14)

It's just the phone.

SPEAKER_1 (1:16)

Okay.

You come into the office, there's no cars in the parking lot. Except for Ludwig's fucking truck. You come into the office, there's no one here, lights are off, and you do the thing where you go, hello, hello, hello. It echoes.

SPEAKER_2 (1:30)

Cricket, cricket, cricket, cricket.

SPEAKER_1 (1:32)

You walk upstairs, turn on the light. You're like, nice.

SPEAKER_2 (1:38)

Nice, they all work.

SPEAKER_1 (1:39)

I like that they're really bright too.

SPEAKER_5 (1:42)

Yeah, it's like a soccer stadium.

SPEAKER_4 (1:45)

Now I can see.

SPEAKER_1 (1:46)

Your eyes make a sizzling eggs noise, and you're like, that's good.

SPEAKER_4 (1:53)

And my eyeballs are cooking. They're dry now as we speak.

SPEAKER_1 (1:56)

Yeah, you're like SpongeBob in Episode 1 Yeah, walk past.

SPEAKER_2 (1:59)

You say a Swedish word that encapsulates this moment perfectly that English doesn't have.

SPEAKER_1 (2:03)

Because they invented it. They invented overhead lights before anyone else, truly.

So you say that word and you whisper it to yourself. And then you walk into the office. I'm at your desk. I'm butt ass.

SPEAKER_2 (2:17)

Butt ass.

SPEAKER_1 (2:18)

I'm in your human miller. My legs are behind my head.

SPEAKER_2 (2:23)

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Did you get there?

SPEAKER_3 (2:25)

They're up behind your head.

SPEAKER_2 (2:27)

But you're sitting in the chair. I'm sitting in the chair.

SPEAKER_4 (2:29)

Nick, I need you to stop talking to him. I'm envisioning it.

SPEAKER_2 (2:31)

I'm so sorry.

SPEAKER_4 (2:33)

It's so clearly in my head.

SPEAKER_1 (2:34)

I'm sitting in the chair. I'm butt ass.

My feet are behind my head.

SPEAKER_4 (2:40)

Yes.

SPEAKER_1 (2:41)

Okay.

SPEAKER_4 (2:41)

Yes.

SPEAKER_1 (2:42)

Yeah, I'm moaning. I'm pleasuring myself to whatever spreadsheet that you had open.

SPEAKER_4 (2:50)

Now, are you pleasuring yourself with both hands or just one?

SPEAKER_1 (2:53)

I'm pleasuring myself with one hand. The other one is manipulating the mouse to go through the spreadsheet, to go through the different tabs that you have on the spreadsheets.

SPEAKER_2 (3:01)

Business and pleasure type situation.

SPEAKER_1 (3:03)

It's the pleasure of business, if you will.

SPEAKER_2 (3:07)

It's the pleasure that only business can provide.

SPEAKER_1 (3:09)

And I'm basically doing this to my butthole.

SPEAKER_4 (3:14)

That's exactly what I was picturing, weirdly enough.

SPEAKER_1 (3:16)

Were you picturing that too?

SPEAKER_2 (3:18)

I thought maybe you were masturbating, but you're...

SPEAKER_1 (3:20)

Well, I am.

SPEAKER_2 (3:21)

You're using two of your middle fingers for the audio listeners. You're using two of your middle fingers on your butthole.

I hit her behind my head. If anything, you're neglecting your penis.

SPEAKER_4 (3:31)

I want you to believe me when I say at no point during this mental image did I imagine you jerking your penis off. I assumed you were going two fingers taint to butt the whole time because of the pose.

SPEAKER_1 (3:43)

Right. And I like that you picked that up and you got there without. And that means that I'm a great writer.

SPEAKER_4 (3:49)

Yeah, I would argue Nick almost robbed it from me at the beginning of the hypothetical.

SPEAKER_2 (3:53)

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I clarifying question is the taint of the man, the clitoris?

SPEAKER_3 (4:00)

No, it just can't be.

SPEAKER_1 (4:02)

I mean, technically, it's the head of the penis because that's what turns into.

SPEAKER_2 (4:05)

I'm rubbing my taint like it's a clitoris. Yeah, I'm stimulating my taint.

SPEAKER_1 (4:10)

And like it just it doesn't feel like anything.

SPEAKER_3 (4:13)

It'd be like me doing this.