Enough as You Are: How to Grow Without Shaming Yourself | Scott Stabile

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Scott Stabile (1:00)

If I know that my relationship is solid with myself, it matters much less what choices I'm making, because I know that I'm going to be there for myself no matter what.

SPEAKER_4 (1:19)

Welcome to The One You Feed. Throughout time, great thinkers have recognized the importance of the thoughts we have Quotes like Garbage In, Garbage Out, or You Are What You Think ring true. And yet, for many of us, our thoughts don't strengthen or empower us. We tend toward negativity, self-pity, jealousy, or fear. We see what we don't have instead of what we do.

We think things that hold us back and dampen our spirit. But it's not just about thinking. Our actions matter. It takes conscious, consistent, and creative effort to make a life worth living.

This podcast is about how other people keep themselves moving in the right direction, how they feed their good wolf.

Eric Zimmer (2:03)

Years ago, Scott Stabile had a realization that felt really heavy at first. No matter what he chose, someone was going to judge him.

But a few minutes later, it flipped. If he was going to be judged either way, why keep living inside a box built by other people?

I know that flip. For a long time, Ginny and I went back and forth between her mother in Atlanta, who needed help, and my mother in Columbus. And wherever we were, one of them was unhappy.

And the day that I recognized that and I admitted that I simply could not, it was impossible to make them both happy. The strain eased up. Scott has been on the show several times. He's one of my favorite guests, and his book is Enough as You Are. And it's the best of what he's learned. I'm Eric Zimmer, and this is The One You Feed. Hi, Scott. Welcome back.

Scott Stabile (2:58)

Hey, Eric. Thank you so much, man. Happy to be here.

Eric Zimmer (3:01)

Yeah, I was saying before we started, I'm not sure how many times we've had you on.

SPEAKER_2 (3:06)

At least three.

Eric Zimmer (3:08)

At least three, and I don't know whether one of those was for like a short episode, or I don't know, but it's been a number of times, and I have always enjoyed it. So when I saw you had a new book coming out, I was thrilled to be able to get to have you back on.

Scott Stabile (3:21)

So I appreciate it. Thank you.

SPEAKER_2 (3:23)

Yeah.

Eric Zimmer (3:24)

So we'll start in the way to which you are accustomed, which is I'm going to read that parable and ask you what you think about it. And I have no idea what you said any of the other times, and probably no one else does either, so whatever.

All right.

So in the parable, there's a grandparent who's talking with a grandchild, and they say, in life, there are two wolves inside of us that are always at battle. One is a good wolf, which represents things like kindness and bravery and love. And the other is a bad wolf, which represents things like greed, hatred, and fear. And the grandchild stops, they think about it for a second, they look up at their grandparent, they say, well, which one wins? And the grandparent says, the one you feed. So I'd like to start off by asking you what that parable means to you in your life and in the work that you do.

Scott Stabile (4:16)

Yeah, in this moment, as I'm hearing you recant that, what I'm feeling is the essence of the work I'm doing the most right now, which is built around self-acceptance and self-love.

So for me, as I hear the parable, it's loving the good wolf and the bad wolf, understanding that no matter what is coming through, no matter what compulsions, desires, thoughts, feelings, words, that is within our power to show up for ourselves with love, with grace, with compassion. And the more often we do that, I find that the more inclined we are to make choices that are more in line with love and kindness and compassion and all of the quote unquote good wolf ways of being. Because for me, love is just energy and it's an energy that is alive within us and outside of us. And it is a pure positive energy in my experience, which means that it is always in service to everything. So I know that I am human and that part of my... Can we swear on this show? I don't remember.