E282: Is This Normal? He Made AI Sex Videos of Us, and I Have Questions

Vanessa Marin (0:00)

Is it normal for my husband to create AI images and videos of us having sex?

Xander Marin (0:07)

Is it normal to only have sex four times per year?

Vanessa Marin (0:10)

I know my wife enjoys sex because she says so, but I don't feel it by her actions during sex. Is that normal? Should I just take her word for it?

Xander Marin (0:21)

Is it normal to never want to try a position or a blowjob again after having one bad experience?

Vanessa Marin (0:34)

Hello, and welcome to the Pillow Talks Podcast. We're your hosts, Vanessa and Xander Marin. I'm a sex therapist with over 20 years of experience, and I'm just a regular dude.

Xander Marin (0:44)

We share the ups and downs in our relationship while giving you step-by-step techniques for improving yours.

Vanessa Marin (0:50)

Make sure you subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors, and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you'd had.

Today, we are doing another round of Is This Normal?

Xander Marin (1:12)

Is it normal to like doing Is It Normal episodes?

Vanessa Marin (1:14)

Is it normal to... Sorry, you threw me off.

Xander Marin (1:20)

Wow, no response, no witty retort.

Vanessa Marin (1:24)

I got nothing.

Xander Marin (1:25)

Nothing else is normal.

Vanessa Marin (1:30)

I thought I had something, but I like literally just felt my brain just go like...

Xander Marin (1:34)

You sounded so confident. I was excited.

Vanessa Marin (1:37)

I got nothing. I wasn't expecting you to do that.

Xander Marin (1:39)

Have you thought of anything yet?

Vanessa Marin (1:42)

No, I haven't.

Xander Marin (1:46)

Is it normal to your mom? There you go.

Vanessa Marin (1:49)

Is it normal to your mom? That's all. Yeah, that's what we're talking about today.

We put a question box up on Instagram and we asked our community, what questions do you have that leave you wondering, is this normal? And we have some really interesting ones. I know you haven't seen them at all. I just took a quick peek at them. And I'm excited for this episode. There's like literally always something new. The very first question is something I have never heard before.

Xander Marin (2:18)

Yeah, there's a lot of people out there thinking they're abnormal.

Vanessa Marin (2:21)

And I got to be honest, we actually don't love the word normal because I think that there really is no normal.

Xander Marin (2:31)

It's abnormal to be normal.

Vanessa Marin (2:33)

I just think normal is the wrong word. But we oftentimes use the language that our community uses. But I like to, I don't know, maybe I'm a little bit of a language nerd here. But I think that just aiming for what's normal with your sex life, I almost said socks. Oh my god, I'm so used to having to censor on Instagram that now it's like hard to say sex.

It is so, yeah, to just aim for normal with your sex life, I don't think that's the greatest goal. But ultimately, like what people are getting at here is like, yeah, is this weird? Is this unusual? Is this okay? So that's what we're really going to be getting into.

Xander Marin (3:14)

Yeah, well, I mean, because I think normal kind of implies, are you normal relative to a social construct? Like something that we've come up with as a society, because if it weren't a societal thing, you'd be like, oh, well, is this normal as a human being to be into this? It will be like, well, your brain and your body are functioning in a way that is causing you to want something or do something. And that seems like pretty normal. Like if you're alive, if you're alive and like your body's not breaking down and dying, like that's normal. But like, that's not how we use the word normal. It's like, is this, would other people think that I am normal due to these like societal norms that we have? So yeah, I mean, I guess the question is, do you want your sex life to look like what you, what you think other people think it should look like?

Which let's be honest, when it's what you think other people think it should look like, there's a lot of margin for error there.

Cause how do you actually know what everybody else thinks? Like you don't, you don't even know what your partner thinks. That's like where conflict comes from, cause we don't read each other's minds. But anyway, I just think that, yeah, it's like, is that what you want it to be like? Or do you want it to be like how you want it? Like we get into a relationship with somebody else so that we don't, so like, so that we have a space where like we're not being judged by other people. We're not having to conform to what other people think. So why are we doing that in bed? Boom, that's my soapbox.