E281: Am I the A*****e? Kissing After Oral, Weight Gain, and Bad Sex

Vanessa Marin (0:00)

And at the end of the day, your sex life will be so much better if you just embrace your bodily fluids. That it's like...

Xander Marin (0:09)

We need shirts, embrace the bodily fluids.

Vanessa Marin (0:12)

Like sex is messy, and it is kind of iccy and weird.

Xander Marin (0:16)

Yeah, let's sexualize the messiness.

Vanessa Marin (0:18)

Yeah.

Xander Marin (0:19)

Like, if you can, it gets...

Vanessa Marin (0:20)

There's a slogan in there somewhere, but I can't come up with it, sexualize the mess.

Hello, and welcome to the Pillow Talks Podcast. We're your hosts, Vanessa and Xander Marin. I'm a sex therapist with over 20 years of experience, and I'm just a regular dude.

Xander Marin (0:41)

We share the ups and downs in our relationship while giving you step-by-step techniques for improving yours.

Vanessa Marin (0:47)

Make sure you subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors, and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you'd had.

We are back today with another round of Am I the Asshole? This is one of my favorite series that we do, and we have to give credit where credit is due. This was originally a Reddit thing, and I think it's still a pretty big Reddit sub-community.

Xander Marin (1:19)

I thought you were going to be like, Reddit created this. We have no idea who created it. The idea, Am I the Asshole?

Vanessa Marin (1:24)

Oh, the idea.

Xander Marin (1:24)

It got popularized on Reddit somewhere.

Vanessa Marin (1:27)

I don't know the very first person who ever thought Am I the Asshole?, but it is very popular on Reddit.

Xander Marin (1:31)

A-I-T-A.

Vanessa Marin (1:32)

And that's where we got the inspiration from. But the basic idea behind it is somebody shares a scenario, like a situation that they're in, that is leaving them wondering, like who's in the wrong here? Am I in the wrong here? Is my partner in the wrong here? Like, who's the asshole? So we decided to put our own little twist on it and make these scenarios that are specific to a relationship. And really specific to, like, sex, too. Because obviously, that's what we talk about and what we do.

So we have a fresh batch of them for you. I think these are really, they're always interesting. It's always interesting to me to see what are couples arguing about. I love gray area, too, just personally. I think it's so interesting to kind of...

Xander Marin (2:23)

Yeah, if your relationship has no gray in it, like, I would be shocked. Like, gray, I feel like...

Vanessa Marin (2:29)

Kudos to you if it doesn't, but... Yeah. I don't know, actually.

Xander Marin (2:33)

I mean, I think that gray is what makes life interesting. You know, it's what makes us human. Like, I think it's so easy to be like, oh, yeah, no, like, there's these absolute right and wrongs and, you know, perfect morality and stuff. And the reality is, when you put most of it into practice, even when you think that you have these very clear, like, yes, no, right, wrong type of things, we very quickly find some gray area.

Vanessa Marin (2:56)

Humans are messy. We are. That's the TLDR of this episode. So I also think this is a really fun one to listen to with your partner, too, and like pause after you hear the scenario and the two of you debate it amongst yourselves and then come back and listen to what we had to say. I think these are really fun, too.

But before we get into our very first Am I the Asshole? Scenario, we have a super quick request of you.

Just grab your phone and hit that follow or subscribe button. I know it doesn't seem like that big of a deal. I'm sure you've heard us ask before and been like, oh, I don't want to. But it genuinely does really help the podcast grow. We want to reach as many couples as we can. We want to help as many people as we can, entertain as many people as we can, and having more people subscribe and follow really helps. Also, if you want to leave a star rating or review.

Xander Marin (3:51)

Yeah, that's the gold star.

Vanessa Marin (3:53)

Yes, that makes a majorly big impact. That takes a little bit longer. It does. Let's be real.

And you can only leave reviews on Apple Podcasts. So if you're listening on Spotify, you can't really do that, but.