DoubleTake: A few red flags

SPEAKER_1 (0:00)

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Les Sillers (0:22)

From WORLD Radio, this is Double Take. I'm Les Sillers.

Just a caution, today's story deals with abuse of many kinds. It's not for kids.

Kelly Hahn lay on the couch in the living room of her house in Bedford, Virginia. She was pretending to be asleep. Her husband's truck pulled in around 11 p.m. She could hear him go into the kitchen. Then she heard the crash as he threw the dinner she had made across the room. It was 1999

Kelly Hahn (0:56)

I'll never forget it.

Les Sillers (0:57)

He came into the living room and pulled her up by her PJs, ranting that he hated what she had cooked. She started to work the kitchen.

Kelly Hahn (1:12)

And so he had me choked and off the ground. And then he threw me against a chair.

Les Sillers (1:18)

He threw a touch lamp. It shattered.

Kelly's one year old daughter walked toward her crying. Kelly tried to run to her.

Kelly Hahn (1:25)

He pushed me down.

Les Sillers (1:27)

He picked up her daughter and disappeared into his room. Then he returned with a shotgun and held it to Kelly's head.

Kelly Hahn (1:34)

And I said, you better not miss.

Les Sillers (1:42)

Kelly stared straight ahead. After a couple of minutes, her husband ran out of the house. She called the cops. They arrested him, but his mom bailed him out.

This was two years into her relationship with the man who said he was a Christian. What was she supposed to do? The Bible says that God hates divorce. But would you stay married to this person? Would you want your daughter to stay married to this person?

According to one CDC study, about 40% of women in the United States have suffered physical violence from a partner at some point in their lives. That's anything from being shoved and slapped to being punched, choked, or threatened with a knife or gun. Critics have long argued that progressive researchers' ideological leanings tend to inflate figures like this. But it's hard to say it's not a major problem. Research on abuse in Christian homes is scarce, but some believe the stats aren't much different among believers.

No one, Christian or not, gets married hoping to be abused. But it's easy to ignore a few red flags if you're getting something you've always wanted. Attention. Affection. Hope for an escape from loneliness or despair. Maybe even something that feels like love, especially when it's from someone at church. And suddenly you find yourself in a marriage that's not just dysfunctional, but destructive. You're walking through a minefield covered in eggshells, and the horizon is miles away.

So today on Double Take, a story about one Christian woman's life on eggshells, whose longing for love drove her into some destructive relationships, who discovered how abuse is more hidden and more nuanced under the cover of scripture.

Patrick Henry College journalism graduate Hannah Gashler reported and wrote it, It's a really hard story. It's not clear how common it is, but it might be more common than most people realize. Maybe closer to you than you think. Along the way, you'll hear the voices of other women with similar experiences. To be clear, we understand that women are also capable of domestic violence. But that seems to us a different kind of dynamic, a different kind of story. We're focusing here on situations where the wife is the victim. And one more note, you'll hear a variety of views on divorce in this episode. We're not presenting a particular view as more biblical than any other. The point is to show how desperate Christian women often think about the issue. And then, maybe, we'll be a little bit better prepared to help them.

With all that out of the way, here's Hannah.

Hannah Gashler (4:32)

Kelly Hahn is 45 years old.

Kelly Hahn (4:35)

I have four children. I have been married now three times, sadly.

Hannah Gashler (4:42)

Her mom abused her as a child.

Kelly Hahn (4:44)

My first memory of domestic abuse in my home as a child was at four years old.

Hannah Gashler (4:52)

In fact, there was a lot of abuse in her home. When she was six, her dad stuck a hot frying pan on her mom's leg while she washed dishes.

Kelly Hahn (5:00)

They would throw things at each other till there was nothing left to throw, and me and my brother would have to pick them up.