Do parents really not have a favorite child?

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Do parents really not have a favorite child?

Thanks for asking.

In many families, some children grow up with the uncomfortable feeling of being less loved than the others, or worse, sensing that their parents have a favorite. Most parents insist they love their children equally, yet multiple studies suggest that the majority do, in fact, favor one child.

So what determines which child becomes the favorite? Researchers from Brigham Young University in the United States and Western University in Canada conducted a large-scale study published on January 16th, 2025 in Psychological Bulletin. Drawing on data from more than 19,000 participants, they examined parental favoritism through factors such as birth order, gender, temperament and personality, while also accounting for the age and gender of the parent. Their first finding, younger children tend to receive more favorable treatment, while older children are generally granted more autonomy and face less strict supervision. Another notable result is that parents tend to treat daughters more favorably than sons. Personality also matters. Children perceived as conscientious, responsible, organized and generally pleasant are more likely to receive positive treatment. Is favoritism only about the child's personality? Not entirely. It can also reflect the parent's own personality and preferences. Alexander Jensen, one of the study's lead researchers, explains that favoritism often stems from personal affinities. Parents may simply bond more easily with one child than another due to personality or shared interests. Jensen, however, urges caution. The study focuses on preferential treatment, not on parental love itself. Treating children differently does not mean loving one more than another. To reach their conclusions, researchers analyzed five dimensions. Overall treatment, positive interactions, negative interactions, allocation of resources and punishment. Psychologist Fanny Lefebvre Pontelis, a specialist in child and adolescent psychopathology, adds that favoritism is rarely deliberate, is unconscious, is impossible to love all children exactly the same way.

She also notes that favoritism may be shaped by parents' personal histories, including their own child experiences or trauma. Can this favoritism affect children? Yes, beyond fueling sibling rivalry, perceived favoritism can affect a child's well-being. Children who feel less favored are more likely to experience mental health difficulties and engage in problematic behavior at home or at school. To reduce these risks, Jensen encourages parents to pay attention to situations that feel unfair. If a child signals it, listen carefully. They might be missing perspective, or it's time for parents to reassess their own behavior. There you have it.

Now you know if parents really don't have a favorite child. In under three minutes, we answer your questions and help you understand the true meaning behind the trends, concepts, and acronyms that are making headlines. Listen along and you really will know for sure.

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